When Children Are Not Kind…

Chocolate and Wine is the Solution - 28 Nov 16

My 8-year-old came home from school today and told me his friend’s Brother is being bullied. The child he is referring to is 11 in a few weeks’ time. The bullying has apparently happened ‘online’. The parents and school are all involved and it’s being ‘sorted’. My Son asked me if this is cyber bullying which I confirmed, yes it certainly is Son.

It got me thinking whilst making the dinner tonight that whilst we have all experienced bullying at some point in our lives whether that be directly or indirectly, this is now a whole different ball game with the addition of our friend and sometimes foe ‘the internet’. How do we as parents deal with this in a manner which teaches our children that it’s never ok to do this and what should we do if it happens to them? The fact that an 8-year-old knew what cyber bullying was reassures me that those ICT lessons have taught him something. But it’s hard until you’re faced with the actual reality of it to give them some coping strategies and support systems, there are so many different ‘types’ of bullying now. My lovely lad was genuinely concerned about this child and as it’s the first time he has seen it happen to someone he knows, he seemed a little anxious about it happening to him.

When I was young I was quite often on the receiving end of unkind words and taunts from other children. Mainly because I guess I was a bit ‘different’. To begin with my parents were the age of most other children’s Grandparents and I had siblings the age of most other children’s parents. I also by the age of seven had a full-on moustache growing and the hairiest legs and monobrow this side of Birmingham. My Dad was Irish, he had moved to England some years earlier and I had a very distinctive Irish Surname. Given that it was the early 80’s there was a lot of negative ‘news’ out there about us Irish folk which basically sealed my fate and coupled with all of the above made me an ‘easy’ target.

In those days, you’d tell the teacher and they’d either not believe you and do nothing or the other child would get told off and that would be it….. until the next time. I’d go home and tell my parents and siblings and most of the time they’d say very little except “take no notice” or “try not to put yourself out there too much”. “ Erm hello how many 7 year old girls do you know with more dark facial hair than your average teenage boy and a name that is not that far away from that of a famous 80’s Scottish TV detective that just so happens to rhyme with maggot?!?!”

I got through it….just…. it carried on at Secondary School until I was about 15 and I guess I started to change; discovered tweezers and Imac and cared less (well actually I cared a lot but had developed a hard exterior). But it has affected me deeply, I know for sure it has. Now, I guess all the things I was bullied about have become my finest attributes (bar the moustache). My dark hair is still naturally dark unlike many other females my age, I still possess eyebrows that originate from my own body and are not tattooed or drawn on, and with the ageing of my Dad and loss of my Mom my 2 ‘old’ siblings have become ‘second parents’ and given me Nieces who are like Sisters to me. Ironically everyone now seems to love all things Irish and I am still immensely proud of my roots.

I was so embarrassed back then when I was bullied, ashamed and humiliated as I am sure that 11-year-old is feeling right now. I can STILL feel that pain and If I am honest I have always felt ashamed and struggled to lose that shame. I wish for a world free of bullying where all individuals are accepted for who they are but I know in my heart that is unlikely.

So, I have decided the best way to get the message across to my little people is to be honest. Seeing the worry on my little man’s face this evening has made me realise I need to sit down and tell them what happened to me. I am doing this in the hope that it will make them see how horrible it is to be on the receiving end and how it made me feel. I want to make sure they are never the person dishing out the cruel words and taunts. Just as importantly I want them to know that if it does happen to them or someone close to them, they must speak up straight away to us or to a Teacher. And finally I want them to see that it can all work out ok in the end, they can get through it and that even the hairiest 7-year-old this side of Birmingham has ended up being the luckiest 38-year-old in the world because I have them.

Chocolate and Wine is the Solution

I'm a multitasking anxious Momma to 3 and I have got my writing mojo back!

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