PARTY MADNESS

Jo Dunbar - 11 Feb 15

From ‘fining’ kids for being a no-show at a birthday party to ‘requesting’ a birthday present on behalf of your little darlings – it seems mums these days need to have a stern word with themselves.

Aside from being quietly terrified about the prospect of a group email ordering me what to buy a child for their birthday (publicly shamed by celeb mum-of-two Myleene Klass), I am openly aghast. For a while now, kids’ birthdays have been getting out of hand, the cakes bigger, the parties more and more adventurous and opulently decorated (I’m looking at you Michael and Carole Middleton).

But as if a parent can order you what to buy their child as a gift… I am truly befuddled. It’s a small child’s birthday party, not a wedding! When will it stop? When little Edward receives a prize show jumper for his seventh birthday? Or when Charlotte receives a CCJ for missing a swimming party?

Personally, I dread the days of birthday parties. My son is one – by the time he is five I think I’ll be remortgaging in order to fill party bags if current trends are anything to go by. Without harking back to ‘the old days’ – the 1980s in my case – birthday parties were held in your parents’ front room. Fairy cakes, pass the parcel and jelly and ice cream were de rigueur. No artisan cupcakes or magicians featured.

And the party bag contents went something like this: box of Smarties; balloon; piece of birthday cake oozing onto the kitchen towel it was wrapped in; small plastic toy (usually lost before child gets home). Now, it seems, unless you have arranged for each child to receive a personalised gift – one which wouldn’t be out of place under a Christmas tree – you will be excommunicated in the school playground and shunned for your apparent lack of parenting skills.

And don’t even get me started on the poor lad whose parents received an invoice because he didn’t make a birthday party. After the big snow of 1990, a power cut arrived on the day of my 8th birthday party and it’s fair to say the social event of the season suffered a few setbacks. Some girls still came to my (low-lit) party, some didn’t. It was actually a pretty good bash (if you like icing your own fairy cakes wearing a bespoke apron – thanks mum). But did my folks hunt down the parents of the non-attendees ranting about the huge ‘cost’ of games of ‘hunt the thimble’ not being at full capacity? No, they did not. Because – as I am learning – children’s events are beset with no-shows, over-sleepers, nap-refusers and hit-by-the-lurgey victims. Children at birthday parties are not RSVP’d guests at a formal event.

We all know motherhood brings with it a sweeping set of new, heightened emotions. I wince at Silent Witness and get teary at adverts in a way I never knew before. But hormones can’t be responsible for all of these actions and the birthday party-related craziness. Are we so absorbed by our every action of our kids that we can’t differentiate between what is normal and what is plain mad?

This is my call to arms for parents to set a better example. After all, we are – supposedly – the peacemakers, the collective voice of reason, the negotiators and the protectors. Let’s tone down the bossy emails, calm down about a few cakes and games and leave the bad behaviour to the kids.

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Jo Dunbar

Jo Dunbar is a freelance writer and has worked as a journalist at various magazines and newspapers for over 10 years. No longer in London, Jo is bringing up her son William (with husband Chris) in Newcastle upon Tyne. Between soft play and sensory classes Jo can be found at her laptop or underneath a mountain of laundry.

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