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When the masks come off

1
Yesterday we escaped the craziness of people panic buying pasta and toilet rolls and took ourselves off to the woods.

I needed it. I needed to be outside amongst the trees, splashing in the mud with Squeak and watching Bubba as he shouted ‘Mummy watch me’ before doing the same jump off the same rock for the eleventy billionth time.

I needed to be sat in the wind drinking hot chocolate and forgetting that I didn’t have four dozen bags of pasta at home because actually we don’t need four dozen bags of pasta, we’ll be fine!

I needed the

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2
respite from the building anxiety that I’m feeling. The one that’s bubbling under and threatening to explode each time I watch the news but then I guess that’s what happens when you spend a lifetime watching zombie apocalypse and contagion films. I should have stuck with Mary Poppins! I certainly need to stop watching news reports, they’re not helping.

Watching them I feel out of control and I don’t like it. In that respect I’m a lot like Bubba. I don’t like change and I need my routine. I like to plan. My life is lists. If I do

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3
something and it’s not on my list then I’ll add it just to get the satisfaction of being able to tick it off.  I bet a lot of people do that though…don’t they?

I like to know what’s coming up and I’m not a big fan of spontaneity! I’ve tried, I have. I’ve tried doing something on the spur of the moment, tried to be exciting.  Sad fact is my excitement comes from making those lists, from being organised about an event and knowing what’s coming up. No surprises. I like to know what I’m doing and yes have a certain amount of control

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4
and at the moment there’s so much uncertainty.

Will the schools close? When? Will I keep my sanity if they do? Do we need social distancing? When? Should I still arrange that meeting for next week? Will I get Squeak to Hydrotherapy on Saturday? Will his sensory session run this week? When can Bubba have his next therapy session? What will Squeak do if we run out of baked beans? Will our street do a sing along if we have to isolate? Please no Celine Dion!

These are just this morning’s thoughts. I didn’t have one worry when I was in the woods

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5
well apart from when Squeak picked up a MASSIVE worm but then he’s always doing that! We were covered in mud, Squeak continuously shouting ‘Bubba rascaal, no cwymb there’ as his brother appeared out of nowhere proclaiming ‘king of the world’!

I guess what I’m saying is that at the moment I’m worried, a lot of people are, a lot are really anxious and some are or will get ill.

We need to remember how we find peace and look after our mental health and that of our kids. We need to remember that not everyone is as strong as we are and not

SelfishMother.com
6
everyone can look after themselves so if it’s a case of asking your older neighbour if they need anything or checking a vulnerable person is alright, shouldn’t we do that?

I just think that in these times when people are fighting in shops over a bag of flour and showing the worse of humanity, we have to remember the best of who we are.

When this all blows over and shelves are overflowing again and the masks are ripped off will we be able to look ourselves in the eyes and say, ‘ I’m proud of how I reacted’? Let’s stay safe, stay human.

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- 16 Mar 20

Yesterday we escaped the craziness of people panic buying pasta and toilet rolls and took ourselves off to the woods.

I needed it. I needed to be outside amongst the trees, splashing in the mud with Squeak and watching Bubba as he shouted ‘Mummy watch me’ before doing the same jump off the same rock for the eleventy billionth time.

I needed to be sat in the wind drinking hot chocolate and forgetting that I didn’t have four dozen bags of pasta at home because actually we don’t need four dozen bags of pasta, we’ll be fine!

I needed the respite from the building anxiety that I’m feeling. The one that’s bubbling under and threatening to explode each time I watch the news but then I guess that’s what happens when you spend a lifetime watching zombie apocalypse and contagion films. I should have stuck with Mary Poppins! I certainly need to stop watching news reports, they’re not helping.

Watching them I feel out of control and I don’t like it. In that respect I’m a lot like Bubba. I don’t like change and I need my routine. I like to plan. My life is lists. If I do something and it’s not on my list then I’ll add it just to get the satisfaction of being able to tick it off.  I bet a lot of people do that though…don’t they?

I like to know what’s coming up and I’m not a big fan of spontaneity! I’ve tried, I have. I’ve tried doing something on the spur of the moment, tried to be exciting.  Sad fact is my excitement comes from making those lists, from being organised about an event and knowing what’s coming up. No surprises. I like to know what I’m doing and yes have a certain amount of control and at the moment there’s so much uncertainty.

Will the schools close? When? Will I keep my sanity if they do? Do we need social distancing? When? Should I still arrange that meeting for next week? Will I get Squeak to Hydrotherapy on Saturday? Will his sensory session run this week? When can Bubba have his next therapy session? What will Squeak do if we run out of baked beans? Will our street do a sing along if we have to isolate? Please no Celine Dion!

These are just this morning’s thoughts. I didn’t have one worry when I was in the woods well apart from when Squeak picked up a MASSIVE worm but then he’s always doing that! We were covered in mud, Squeak continuously shouting ‘Bubba rascaal, no cwymb there’ as his brother appeared out of nowhere proclaiming ‘king of the world’!

I guess what I’m saying is that at the moment I’m worried, a lot of people are, a lot are really anxious and some are or will get ill.

We need to remember how we find peace and look after our mental health and that of our kids. We need to remember that not everyone is as strong as we are and not everyone can look after themselves so if it’s a case of asking your older neighbour if they need anything or checking a vulnerable person is alright, shouldn’t we do that?

I just think that in these times when people are fighting in shops over a bag of flour and showing the worse of humanity, we have to remember the best of who we are.

When this all blows over and shelves are overflowing again and the masks are ripped off will we be able to look ourselves in the eyes and say, ‘ I’m proud of how I reacted’? Let’s stay safe, stay human.

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