Where’s the guide book?

Mama Turg - 10 May 17

So like the rest of us I’m doing this mum thing. Some days I think I’m nailing it and some days I think I’m failing, miserably. Where parenting is concerned I think we all share similar thoughts, experiences, hopes and fears and some of them we daren’t say out loud.

For me this can be the f word. I never swear in front of my children but sometimes when it’s been a long day and you say black and they say white and you have asked them to clean their teeth for the 100th time and they are complaining about the colour, taste, smell, sight of the the toothpaste – I just can’t resist a little 2 fingers when their back is turned. God it makes me feel better! Judge me if you will, but don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

I love my children they are my life, they make me laugh so hard and my life revolves around them. But they can be testing and sometimes as a mum you just feel like you are juggling whilst running on a treadmill. I often question my actions and then this results in the dreaded mum guilt.

Theres no rule book when it comes to parenting. All hail Jo Frost, you are fantastic but that shit goes out the window when I’m trying to reason with my three year old that he can’t have sweets today from the shop, my reason; he wasted his dinner.

So whilst I am carrying a scooter, walking a dog, milk and bread in hand and trying to keep an eye on the wonderfully behaved (I’m sure they do this on purpose when they other one is testing) six year old, the youngest is screaming, stamping and really going for it, you know the drill; I wonder, “What would Jo do?”… And it comes to me… (no not this, Jo would definitely not do this)…

“I’m ringing your nursery teacher”, and then he loses the plot! Bad move mum, because I’m obviously not! I mean, I don’t have her number for one. Two, if i did she would think that this was so weird, and three, why does the lady who spends three hours a day with him have more control? This I could never admit to her.

And then I am hit with the guilt, was I too strict? Life would have been easier if I had just let him have the sweets. My mum says ‘pick your battles’ and I think this is good advice. I’m doubtful Ralph will have learnt from this experience. Unlike myself, who discovered I am a ‘naughty mummy’ and he has his ‘own pennies anyway’ (three year old fighting talk). Nonetheless on this occasion, I felt like I had won and it became a battle of wills. But why does it often feel like we are battling, bribing, persuading, negotiating with these little people.

So many of my conversations are premeditated with my little ones that it can be exhausting, ‘If you tidy your toys away you can have a chocolate biscuit’, ‘If you eat your porridge I will put cbeebies on’. I am trying to stop and think; is the lesson that I’m trying to teach here valuable of even worth it? Should everything be revolved around reward and punishment? Why can’t we all just BE? I try to hear Mum’s words of wisdom in my ear. In the words of Elsa, ‘Let if go’.

My favourite time spent with my children is when we put spotify on full blast in the kitchen, in the aftermath of the explosion that has been dinnertime, and right before bath. We dance and sing and my six year old insists on putting on Tina Turner’s ‘Proud Mary’ every single time. We bust the moves (her especially) and get down, no bargaining needed, no carrot to dangle…just letting go and having fun.

My heart melts when I just get a random kiss, an ‘I love you’ or a handed a picked daisy. And for that day I forget about the refusal to eat breakfast, the new inability to walk home from school and the meltdown at the park.

My husband always says people get more advice and guidance when you buy a rabbit from pets at home, than when you have a child.

Both of my births were straight forward so at the hospital we waited the suggested six hours, they asked us if we had a carseat and sent us on our way. In the beginning the focus was survival, but now I am so aware that everything we do and say is moulding and shaping these little tinkers into the big people they are going to become. That’s a lot of responsibility, I really do hope I get it (even just a bit) right. If I had a rabbit at least I know I would be able to get them to eat carrots.

Mama Turg

Mum of two, qualified teacher with a love of homes and interiors, 5'7, who enjoys light hearted reading; seeking platform to start blogging. Make mine a glass of Malbec.

View profile for posts, events and more info