Why Giving Birth Is Easier Than Running A Marathon.

Rena Gough - 22 Jan 16

Seriously it is. It is a no-brainer really, it just amazes me how many people think birth is horrendous and torturous yet go and sign up to run 26 miles. I mean, that is like running from here to Liverpool John Lennon Airport. And what do you get at the end of it? A medal and a sense of pride. No snuggly baby, no new life to begin as a family, no sleepless nights … okay that’s a bad example but still, at least birth has an amazing purpose at the end of it, a marathon is pretty much just because you’re mad.

“Ah, but birth is painful, birth can cause you all sorts of problems, you can die in childbirth”

People have died and have serious health issues from running a marathon. People ruin their knees and can’t walk properly again, people have heart attacks, people strain muscles and can’t sit down for a week. Yet you don’t hear people in the queue at the sports shop telling someone buying trainers how horrendous it can be to run a marathon, that they tore muscles in their calves and now can’t dance the tango anymore, or to just take all the performance-enhancing drugs because there are no medals for doing it without.

You hear all the time “I’m training to run a marathon” and you will get the odd “I think you are mental” (I’ll be honest, that’s usually from me) but mostly people praise you on your efforts, and tell you how great it will be to achieve something so wonderful in your life. Anyone who spies a woman about to go through the most intense experience of her life make a beeline for her to ensure she knows what a terrible and vagina-changing experience she is about to go through, and anyone who dares say “you’ll be fine” is given the evils.

Unfortunately you very rarely hear a woman say she is training to give birth. Which is a shame because if she did she would realise how easy training to give birth actually is. I mean, marathon runners get up at 5am, to run for 2 hours. A woman training to give birth listens to soothing and relaxing MP3’s while she falls asleep. A marathon runner needs specialist trainers and tops and vaseline on their nipples each and every time they train. A woman getting ready for birth just needs a comfy chair and 3 minutes to practise breathing deeply and with control. A marathon runner has to commit to large amounts of time daily to be ready and prepared enough for a marathon. A couple who want to be ready for birth spend 10 hours in a comfy room drinking tea and eating Jammy Dodgers watching a few videos and learning amazing things about her body. Okay, some of the videos are watching women give birth but it beats downing raw eggs.

And birth isn’t always painful if you train, it’s just bloody hard work. You hear runners talking about “the wall” and that you just have to get past it. It’s the same in birth. Only when you run a marathon you have to actually keep running to get past that wall. In birth, you get yourself comfy and relaxed and send yourself off into a day-dreamy land which usually has a warm beach and a friendly cocktail waiter as you listen to the waves on the sea. Your birth partner gives you lovely soothing massages and whispers sweet nothings in your ear, which is, hands down, better than someone shouting at you from the sidelines to just keep running while the rain drips down your back and the blister on your heel is so big you are considering giving it a name.

When a marathon runner finishes the race, they take a rest. They spend a few days recovering and recuperating. For some reason, people seem to think that after giving birth a woman should be up and about, walking round or at least out of bed and if not then she must have had a terrible time. I personally think a brand new mum should stay in bed for a week and be brought tea and toast and chocolate on demand with a little bell just in case, cuddling and snuggling that tiny little person until their heart is fit to burst with love.

But in all honestly, I have given birth three times, I trained for it the second and third time, and you will never, ever see me signing up to run a marathon. (Unless Jon Bon Jovi was giving free kisses at the finish line, then and only then might I consider it!!)

If you live in the Salford area of Greater Manchester, find out how you can train for birth at www.thehappybirthingcompany.co.uk

Rena Gough

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