Why I hated my husband for a moment…

Fiona Ng - 7 Apr 16

There’s no denying the fact when you have a baby things shift in your relationships – and you can often sit there wondering why you hate your partner?

I remember three days in of having my baby girl and having this hatred towards my husband (and bizarrely towards our male cat Fairy). I felt like I had no love for anyone apart from our daughter and I was more than aware of the feelings that were building up in me.

Anyway, I voiced them with a few close friends who told me it was completely normal which helped, otherwise I would have been sending for the divorce papers!

(The feeling did however pass within that week – thankfully for my poor hubby, bless him!)

It was all part of the baby blues which not everyone experiences (but I did for 3-5 days). The baby blues isn’t full blown post-natal depression it’s just when your hormones are a bit cray cray after giving birth. I was totally prepared for the blues but didn’t know they would hit me with such force. (envisioning smashing my hubbies face against the wall when he was gulping water really wasn’t part of my usual character!)

Why am I telling you this 6 months after?  Well because those feelings of hatred cropped up again last night!

I actually sat here penning an explosive rant in a blog ready to share with everyone (until I back- tracked and figured I was being a bit of an idiot)…

Here’s a little snippet (before the whole thing gets deleted LOL)

‘You know that whole ‘I work-you don’t kinda argument’, well yeah let’s just say I feel that argument internally weekly (sometimes daily) but I just don’t go there as it’s another ‘JOB’ to add the never ending list of being a mum… Job 1. Tip toe around big baby’

Yeah so I was pretty much sat here having a little pity sorry for myself party and decided to take all my feelings of rage out on my husband (unbeknown to him as he was fast asleep as a baby in the spare room).

I read somewhere that it can be easy to use your husband as a verbal punch bag as when your frustrated as it’s easier to let yourself yell at another adult in the house rather than a child.

Yep – that’s exactly what I saw my husband as – A VERBAL PUNCH BAG (I’m such a bad wife!! Haha)

The reality is when you’re juggling life along with babies/children your relationship suffers!
•You’re both sleep deprived (but you will always be convinced that you have it so much worse than the other)
•You will start keeping tabs on when the other one gets ‘alone time’ or time out for friends/gym/ or any activity that doesn’t include being with the kids (Yes I’m pretty sure he counts me going food shopping as my alone time LOL)
•You will also keep tabs on who has had a shower (when you haven’t had one as you have to sort the baby out first then before you know it it’s 2pm and you can’t be bothered!)
•You will get annoyed when the other half is sat there on their mobile phone texting/playing/scrolling on social media especially when you want to engage in some form of adult communication
•Who ever goes to work will think they have it so much harder than the one stuck at home with the baby (but will NEVER EVER admit it)
•You’re other half spends 15 minutes on the toilet (just to escape) and you’ll get mad

You may be sat her thinking YES MY OTHER HALF DOES ALL OF THAT AND IT ANNOYS THE HELL OUT OF ME…

It’s true… you feel that way, along with 101 other feelings.

But you know what else I read…

‘Most of your mood swings aren’t actually about him at all – the real problems start with YOU!’

Erm how about that for shattering your ego… (certainly did with me)  because it’s so true! (my poor hubby hadn’t done anything wrong)

So this is why you hate your partner

The real reason you have an issue with your other half – is never about them, what they do/don’t do –it’s always to do with the problems you have with yourself.

Looking back to last night my issues were:

Feeling uncertain about the future and going back to work, hormonal PMS symptoms and tiredness contributed to my frustrations towards my husband and it was easier to blame him for everything rather than accept I’ve got work to do (on myself).

It is no different to when people blame the world, the cards they’ve been dealt, the family they have been raised in, the weather, their manager at work and so on…

We don’t have to think twice about who we want to blame or what we want to blame them for (as that’s easy). It’s easy to come up with a list of rants and negative feelings, but it’s not easy to spend time looking within, evaluating yourself, pulling yourself to pieces and correcting the crappy bits about you (and accepting those crappy bits too as it sucks to accept you have flaws)

Relationship problems come regardless of whether you have kids or not. If you find yourself in a constant spiral of negative feelings towards your other half it’s no doubt a reflection of how you feel about yourself…

It could just be that you’re absolutely exhausted and you’re not getting enough sleep (more than likely when you have a baby) you may not be eating well or drinking enough water (did you know being dehydrated not only causes irritability but also anxiety??) or you may just need some time with friends for adult conversation and time out.

Once you’re aware of your feelings you can share them with your hubby and see how he can help you opposed to making the situation ten times worse by blowing up like a volcano!

So sorry Matt and thanks for always understanding – I love you really 🙂 xxx

Fiona Ng

Hey I'm Fi Fi Ng - I blog my journey through marriage and motherhood whilst writing my ramblings about life, healthy recipes, eating for energy and fitness Some random facts: I have a white fluffy cat called Fairy (he's a male and was our baby before our real baby came along) I have an addictive personality - my thing used to be vitamins, then it was tea (I have over 30 boxes of tea in a special cupboard) and now it's babies - so i'm pushing for baby number 2 ;) I blog over on www.iamfionang.com

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