Why I Won’t Push My Child to do Homework

Lauren Derrett - 5 Jul 16

I understand that this may be a controversial blog and of course as with anything I write, these are just my opinions, if they match yours then excellent, if they don’t, no sweat, I love the diversity of people……

I’ve been in the education system (as a parent) for 15 years! That’s 15 years of supporting, assisting and encouraging my children to ‘do their best’. And that’s all I’ll ever do. I will not push my child, coerce my child nor load on a shed load of pressure just so they ‘excel’ and get the ‘grades’ that the school have predicted for them, or expect from them.

I have a real issue with the current education system. One size does not fit all people! You can not teach and elephant how to climb a tree nor a fish how to ride a bike, so why, why, why are our children herded into a classroom and forced to learn in the same way as every other elephant or fish in the room?  If I had my choice (plus a lifetime of patience and actual half decent education behind me) I would home-school, my children would learn about life alongside multiplication, it would be about balance. But that’s not an option for us, so we have to do what we think is best.

The ultimate goal as a parent (I feel) is to raise well rounded, grounded, complete human beings. To achieve this, they need to have a healthy balance in life. So, with this in mind I feel that if my child has already spent the majority of their day in a learning environment then when they get home, they get to chill out, do what they choose to do, develop other interests and passions outside of the education system, spend quality time with family, and yes watch a bit of TV by way of unwinding after their busy day, just as us as adults who’ve had a long day at work do. Plus I don’t want a massive showdown/tantrum/screaming fit (me not them) just to get them to do homework, I’d rather spend those precious few hours before bedtime, with my child, in harmony thanks very much!

My refusal to force homework hasn’t been made on a whim, I’m not a lazy parent who can’t be bothered to sit with my child and help them with their homework, I’m happy to sit with them, but, doing what they choose to do. My decision was made when my eldest son (20) fell into a black hole during the 2nd year into his A Levels. He was predicted fantastic grades, he had already achieved great GCSE grades, we didn’t question his ability, we expected great things, we followed the lead of the school and college and we took their side, until my son fell into that hole. I realised that whilst I was supporting the college’s advice on how to get the A Level grades he had been predicted, I wasn’t supporting my son. My son was falling apart and we keep pushing, we had such belief in him that it didn’t occur to us that he may not want to be who we naively assumed he would be.

It hit me like a truck, I had to stand up for my son and allow him the freedom to be who he needed to be, and right at that time it wasn’t where he was. I signed the form to release him from college against his dads wishes and I set him free. He’s not an academic, he should never have been forced so hard to achieve in a field where he felt he never could. It’s not a case of putting in more effort, some people are just not cut out for academia, and sometimes those people are our children and as parents we have to respect and accept that. So when son number 2 (17) said he was shunning conventional education in favour of  music college, I supported it. His 3 days a week banging drums will give him the equivalent of 3 A Levels, spending his time doing what he loves to do. And as it turns out, he will now be starting uni (still in music) a year early as recommended by his college, so not a bad outcome!

Throughout their schooling I allow them to make the decision regarding homework. My daughter (12) has spent the last 2 nights on a homework project that she has thoroughly enjoyed and taken a lot of pride in producing a fantastic piece of work that will get her a huge pat on the back at school. But it was her choice, she chose to spend her free time on the front room floor creating a master piece (whilst watching Disney channel, girls really can multi-task) that was something she enjoyed and it made me happy that she was happy to oblige (in this instance).

I never want to be in a position whereby I am forcing my child to do homework just because the school have told us to. I will not use my time with my child supporting the school’s ideals above what I feel is best for my child. I’m the parent, I make the rules on my time. It has never been a problem before with the schools and if it were ever to become a problem I would happily have a meeting with the school and put my point across, but for now I’ll carry on doing what I’m doing.

Kids these days are under far too much pressure, and what’s the pressure ultimately for? So they can earn lots of money? What if my child want’s to become something other than a cash cow? What if my child want’s to drop out of society? Should their hopes and needs be put aside for the sake of schools winning at their games of grades? My children are not just ambassadors for the school, they are whole human beings who need to be allowed to call some of the shots, and to experience a variety of life’s moments, not stuck in a classroom all day at school and then stuck in a classroom in their own homes.

What would it do to a person to be working hard all day, to come home and to work all evening, no time to indulge in their families or their own interests. It wouldn’t take long for that person to fall into a black hole.

People are multifaceted and need a whole rainbow of stimuli to feel complete. Children are people!

And back to my son (20) who ‘failed’ his A Levels, who ‘dropped out of college’, he’s currently travelling in Australia. His confidence and curiosity for the world did not come from sitting in a classroom, nor from completing a piece of homework, that is home grown, that is who he is, and that is good enough for me!

I’d love to hear your view on homework? Love it or hate it? Support it or ignore it?

Lauren Derrett

I'm Lauren, Founder of Wear 'em Out, reusable period pads for the empowered eco-curious. Mother of 4, Step-Mother of 2, I've been parenting for 24 years so have seen and learned a lot of stuff

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