Why I’m lucky to be a Single Mother

Jenni Mynett - 11 Apr 16

Now. I would be lying if I said that when I was pregnant I was looking forward to being a Single Mother (and I capitalise this because even now, I find it’s used as a title and an invitation for judgement from strangers). It’s never a situation I envisioned myself having to deal with. It wasn’t in my ‘life plan’.

But it turns out, things don’t always go exactly to plan.

But having been a member of this club for almost four weeks now, and yes I’m fully aware that I won’t always feel like this – it’s dependent on hours of sleep, hormones and the behaviour of tiny helpless human – I am lucky to call myself a Single Mother.

I have an incredible support network – I might live alone with a four week old baby, but I am not alone when I need help. I am lucky to count both my mother and my sister as not just family, but incredibly close friends too. I can talk to either of them about anything, and use them both as logical sounding boards. My mum lives next door, and is responsible for ensuring I have at least one good meal a day, dishing out important advice, and listening to me when I’m having a small breakdown – and then reminding me I’m more than likely being a bit dramatic. She was the best birth partner I could have asked for and knew what I needed, even when I didn’t. Her other skills also include being excellent at baby holding when I need a shower/the loo/5 minutes to myself and bringing me chocolate.

My sister had her first baby six weeks before I did, and together we are forging a path into new motherhood – exploring baby groups, projectile vomiting, breastfeeding, and all other joys with each other to lean on. Her partner works away a lot, so she is almost a member of the lone parent club too. Thus having each other is a massive blessing and it’s brought us closer together. She helps justify lazy mornings in bed with baby, that turn into lazy afternoons (what else is maternity leave for?!), and is the person I text at 4.30am when I’m dying laughing because I’ve just squirted breastmilk across my childs face and the bedroom. She can also sympathise when a mid-nappy change fart leads to a small flying poo missile that hits me in the face. (In actual fact, she was present when this happened and she didn’t sympathise at all, but rather she couldn’t breathe because she was laughing so hard. Cheers Soph!)

I don’t begrudge being woken in the night for feeds, the multiple nappy changes or not always being able to eat a full meal in one sitting, because, and bear with my logic here, there’s no one else to do it. There’s no one to bicker with over ‘who’s turn it is’, there is only me. And I’m fine with this. Maybe I’m still in the honeymoon period of motherhood, and to be honest, so far Cate is going easy on me. Barring a few stumbles with getting to grips with breastfeeding, it’s been relatively plain sailing, for which I am immensely grateful (and long may it continue!). She’s also taught me a few things about myself, such as how I can multitask more than I thought (examples include, but are not limited to, showering and teeth cleaning simultaneously to save time, and blog writing with a small human attached at the breast like a limpet), and how I need less sleep than I previously believed. Motherhood is a privilege, one that sadly many women struggle to achieve, so I consider myself lucky that for me it was relatively easy to achieve, even if the circumstances weren’t ideal.

Right now, the only person Cate needs is me. I’m her food source, her entertainment, her method of transport and the reason she exists. I grew her from a few ingredients, and formed the tiny perfect human that she is today. It’s probably a good thing I’m a Single Mother, because I don’t want to share her. I’m selfish. I know that I will have to eventually, she does share DNA with another person. But for right now, every milk drunk smile, sleepy cuddle, lazy morning in bed, and ‘feed me’ squeak belongs to me. They’re mine to savour and enjoy, and store away to remember when she’s not with me.

I am a Single Mother. And I am lucky to be so.

Jenni Mynett

Rocking new motherhood since 16-3-16 with my new partner in crime and doppelgänger - baby Cate.

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