WHY I’M RED, WHITE & BLUE ABOUT THE CORONATION

Molly Gunn, Editor - 5 May 23

It is my daughter’s birthday weekend. A cause for celebration! Yesterday was a great day for a birthday as there was a picnic at L’s primary school, to which us parents were invited, too. Cue MUCH happiness, with bunting, sarnie spreads and enthusiastic daytime dancing. The sun magically shone for a couple of hours!

The reason for the picnic wasn’t L’s birthday though, of course, it was to celebrate The Coronation. The children dressed in red, white and blue, and us parents caught up over sausage rolls and clandestine cans of wine. But, it was telling that when the Head Mistress asked everyone to stand up and sing God Save The King, a load of parents sat down. The 150 children sang – as they’d been taught – but around a third of the adults zipped their mouths tightly shut. I was one of the ones who didn’t sing….

HERE’S WHY I’M RED, WHITE & BLUE ABOUT THE CORONATION: 

I’M RED: The colour for anger. I’m angry. Are you? The pomp feels like a distraction from the s**tshow really going on. Doesn’t it? Charles is the ultimate Nepo Baby, said to have a private worth £1.8 Billion, who pays no corporation tax on his private assets, and also no inheritance tax. But – and here’s the punchline! As monarch, Charles will now be publicly funded until his death, costing £86m a year to us, the taxpayers. What good sports we are! Read that all again, before tuning into Westminster Abbey revelries later. Reality bites: food banks are the new destination hotspot in the UK, Generation Rent can’t afford the rent, families are being evicted. Sorry, too depressing? Just turn on the TV and look at the shiny crown instead! What the country needs is a genuine BIG HELP OUT. Wouldn’t it be cool if Charles wowed us all today, by offering to share £1.7b of his wealth, with the General Public. I’ve just worked out that Charles could send each household in the uk a cheque for £850. It would be a nice levelling touch. I doubt he’d even have to pay for stamps… and he’d still have £100,000,000  to call his own.

I’M WHITE: I’m white. So white. My family is generations South-of-England, from Cornwall to London to Margate (although I am a 16th Hungarian). Sometimes, my whiteness feels complicit. Charles III is white, too. His whiteness is worth noting, because his linage of white ancestors got up to some dark deeds, in order to maintain and expand on their position of power. William III had shares in the East Africa Company, and after that 14 monarchs profited from the slave trade. To think that the monarchy is built on money from slavery and oppression, leaves more than a sour taste, which can’t be washed down with a glass of Fizz. Yes, the Coronation ceremony is all about equality and representation, but an outright apology would be better. An apology and redistribution of wealth – imagine that!

I’M BLUE: Of course I was just Blue Sky Thinking. Is it any wonder there aren’t blue skies today in the UK? It’s raining down on Charles’ parade, because blue is of course is also a hue for melancholy. And melancholia feels pervasive if we stop and think about things for more than a minute. It’s scary to really examine the status quo in this country and beyond, and it makes me blue as I realise that things might be getting worse before they get better. Too blue a thought? Sorry! Let’s be British! Chin up! Why don’t we forget about all that and pop to Waitrose for some Coronation Crisps instead…

Of course, it is a bank holiday weekend, and my daughter’s birthday. So I don’t want to be downer. Let’s do what us Brits do best, throw a massive party, buntify our streets, down bountiful beer and forget about the state of the nation! That was the plan, right, all along? Get the nation drunk, and gloss over any niggles. Save any pain for the hangover on Tuesday.

Good plan Charlie, well executed.

Molly Gunn, Editor

Molly Gunn is the founder and editor of Selfish Mother, a site she created for like-minded women in 2013. Molly has been a journalist for over 15 years, starting out working on fashion desks at The Guardian, The Telegraph & ES Magazine before going freelance in 2006 to write for quality publications. She now edits Selfish Mother, sells #GoodTees to raise funds for charity, & writes freelance for Red Magazine and The Sunday Telegraph's Stella. Molly is mother to Rafferty, 6, Fox, 4, and baby Liberty. She is married to Tom aka music producer Tee Mango and founder of Millionhands. They live in Bruton, Somerset.

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