close
SM-Stamp-Join-1
  • Selfish Mother is the most brilliant blogging platform. Join here for free & you can post a blog within minutes. We don't edit or approve your words before they go live - it's up to you. And, with our cool new 'squares' design - you can share your blog to Instagram, too. What are you waiting for? Come join in! We can't wait to read what YOU have to say...

  • Your basic information

  • Your account information

View as: GRID LIST

WHY MOTHER’S DAY ISN’T ENOUGH

1
Mother’s Day – a time to recognise and reward hard-working mothers or just another commercial calendar date that puts men and children under pressure to spend money every year?

Since becoming a mother myself, it has become a day that starts with great expectations but often leaves me feeling a bit, well, flat. In fact, the last two years, despite my husband making thoughtful gestures like tea in bed and a flower delivery on behalf of our two young sons, we ended the day with a steaming row. But why?

Because it’s not enough. One day a year to

SelfishMother.com
2
make a point of saying thank you and having approximately 20 minutes to enjoy a cup of tea before the usual chaos begins is not enough. It’s not about earning medals or becoming a martyr, it’s about recognising that, despite its daily joys and love-filled moments, motherhood is also incredibly tough – physically, emotionally and, at times, spiritually.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my children and feel blessed to have them in my life. But some days I’m so exhausted I wonder how I will make it through the bedtime routine. As for work, that

SelfishMother.com
3
feels like a rest! A chance to smash through my ‘To Do’ list, craft emails without simultaneously trying to stop my toddler from hiding under the kitchen table to do a poo, and finish a cup of tea while it’s still hot.

So after yet another Mother’s Day argument, I started thinking about what I – and other mums – really want.

A complete rest
I recently read a quote which struck me at my heart centre – partly because it was so true and partly because it has been so neglected in my life since becoming a parent. The words, “Sometimes

SelfishMother.com
4
the most urgent and vital thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest” made me think about just how exhausting motherhood can be. After a winter of back to back colds and viruses circling around my family, I feel depleted, tired and in dire need of an unbroken night of sleep.

Someone to delegate too
Having directed large teams of employees during my career, I’m used to being able to delegate tasks in order to complete a project on time and to a high standard. With at least one partner usually working full time, most parents don’t have

SelfishMother.com
5
anyone to delegate to when their parental inbox starts overflowing, which can often lead to feelings of ‘drowning’ or loss of control.

Without family nearby, my saving grace over the last year as a parent of two has been my ‘village’ – I have been lucky to have a fantastic group of local NCT friends who, when the going gets tough, have let me delegate essential jobs from entertaining my toddler while I cleaned the house to taking my baby out for a walk so I could run a work conference call in peace. Without this support, mums are truly

SelfishMother.com
6
stretched in every direction.

Sharing the emotional load
I love being a mum and feel lucky that I have been able to carve out a career that allows me to spend the majority of time looking after my two boys. However, when I hear the front door shut at around 7pm each evening and my husband’s keys clinking on the sideboard, I can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. Back up has arrived.

Alongside the physical challenges of running a busy family and a demanding job, it’s the emotional load that I am always ready to share by the evening. Temper

SelfishMother.com
7
tantrums, overtired meltdowns and general whining accumulate in such a way that by the evening, I sometimes just need to hand over. If I feel myself hitting that wall, I know I need a time out of my own. Allowing myself to soak guilt-free in the bath with a glass of wine is usually enough for me to decompress and come out ready to face another day.

To be looked after
Let’s get back to that cup of tea. I read a survey last year that polled married couples about the things they could do to make each other happy. One of the top rated things that women

SelfishMother.com
8
asked for was a cup of tea in bed – and I wholeheartedly agree. Whilst tea does of course serve a very valuable practical function of recharging your exhausted body after a night of broken sleep – a usual occurrence in the early years of parenthood at least – it also serves the purpose of making us feel looked after.

You see, as children most of us have at least one person looking after our needs all of the time. As a mother, you will probably spend 99% of your time looking after everyone else. So that cup of tea in bed can sometimes just take

SelfishMother.com
9
you back to a time when you were mothered too. And maybe that’s all we need to remind us what a magnificent and vital job being a mother is.

Motherhood is different for all of us… if you’d like to share your thoughts, why not join our Network & start posting?

SelfishMother.com

By

This blog was originally posted on SelfishMother.com - why not sign up & share what's on your mind, too?

Why not write for Selfish Mother, too? You can sign up for free and post immediately.


We regularly share posts on @SelfishMother Instagram and Facebook :)

- 25 Mar 15

Mother’s Day – a time to recognise and reward hard-working mothers or just another commercial calendar date that puts men and children under pressure to spend money every year?

Since becoming a mother myself, it has become a day that starts with great expectations but often leaves me feeling a bit, well, flat. In fact, the last two years, despite my husband making thoughtful gestures like tea in bed and a flower delivery on behalf of our two young sons, we ended the day with a steaming row. But why?

Because it’s not enough. One day a year to make a point of saying thank you and having approximately 20 minutes to enjoy a cup of tea before the usual chaos begins is not enough. It’s not about earning medals or becoming a martyr, it’s about recognising that, despite its daily joys and love-filled moments, motherhood is also incredibly tough – physically, emotionally and, at times, spiritually.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my children and feel blessed to have them in my life. But some days I’m so exhausted I wonder how I will make it through the bedtime routine. As for work, that feels like a rest! A chance to smash through my ‘To Do’ list, craft emails without simultaneously trying to stop my toddler from hiding under the kitchen table to do a poo, and finish a cup of tea while it’s still hot.

So after yet another Mother’s Day argument, I started thinking about what I – and other mums – really want.

A complete rest
I recently read a quote which struck me at my heart centre – partly because it was so true and partly because it has been so neglected in my life since becoming a parent. The words, “Sometimes the most urgent and vital thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest” made me think about just how exhausting motherhood can be. After a winter of back to back colds and viruses circling around my family, I feel depleted, tired and in dire need of an unbroken night of sleep.

Someone to delegate too
Having directed large teams of employees during my career, I’m used to being able to delegate tasks in order to complete a project on time and to a high standard. With at least one partner usually working full time, most parents don’t have anyone to delegate to when their parental inbox starts overflowing, which can often lead to feelings of ‘drowning’ or loss of control.

Without family nearby, my saving grace over the last year as a parent of two has been my ‘village’ – I have been lucky to have a fantastic group of local NCT friends who, when the going gets tough, have let me delegate essential jobs from entertaining my toddler while I cleaned the house to taking my baby out for a walk so I could run a work conference call in peace. Without this support, mums are truly stretched in every direction.

Sharing the emotional load
I love being a mum and feel lucky that I have been able to carve out a career that allows me to spend the majority of time looking after my two boys. However, when I hear the front door shut at around 7pm each evening and my husband’s keys clinking on the sideboard, I can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. Back up has arrived.

Alongside the physical challenges of running a busy family and a demanding job, it’s the emotional load that I am always ready to share by the evening. Temper tantrums, overtired meltdowns and general whining accumulate in such a way that by the evening, I sometimes just need to hand over. If I feel myself hitting that wall, I know I need a time out of my own. Allowing myself to soak guilt-free in the bath with a glass of wine is usually enough for me to decompress and come out ready to face another day.

To be looked after
Let’s get back to that cup of tea. I read a survey last year that polled married couples about the things they could do to make each other happy. One of the top rated things that women asked for was a cup of tea in bed – and I wholeheartedly agree. Whilst tea does of course serve a very valuable practical function of recharging your exhausted body after a night of broken sleep – a usual occurrence in the early years of parenthood at least – it also serves the purpose of making us feel looked after.

You see, as children most of us have at least one person looking after our needs all of the time. As a mother, you will probably spend 99% of your time looking after everyone else. So that cup of tea in bed can sometimes just take you back to a time when you were mothered too. And maybe that’s all we need to remind us what a magnificent and vital job being a mother is.

Motherhood is different for all of us… if you’d like to share your thoughts, why not join our Network & start posting?

Did you enjoy this post? If so please support the writer: like, share and comment!


Why not join the SM CLUB, too? You can share posts & events immediately. It's free!

Sian is a PR director and freelance writer. She contributes articles on parenting and work / family balance as well as providing strategic planning and reputation management for brands and businesses.

Post Tags


Keep up to date with Selfish Mother — Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media