Why my daughter’s cancer left me with PTSD

Jennie Dalton - 1 Sep 17

Young children get growing pains. That’s what I’d always thought. So when my healthy, happy three-year-old, Isabella, developed pains in her legs, my first thought was growing pains. I had no idea that the reality would be something we are still dealing with seven years later.

October 2010 was the start of our nightmare.

Isabella had a neuroblastoma, a type of cancer, which had caused a tumour in her abdomen so big that it was affecting the nerves in her legs. Straight away we are whisked off on treatment and our lives completely changed.

The whole experience was utterly devastating. It was so hard to believe she had this illness; she was such a happy girl. Within three days of the diagnosis, she was on chemotherapy.

To see your child go through chemo is not something I would wish on anyone. She didn’t understand it all and you have to try and explain it while being there to support her. But she was always herself. When she had her own room she was bossing everyone around getting it just how she wanted it. Children are amazing with the way they adjust.

I had split with her father just three months before diagnosis. He was still a great support and has been there for her from day one. However I had just bought a house in my name, as well as a new car, and I realised I wasn’t going to have time to work. You think you know what’s coming in life and then you can get your legs swept right out from beneath you.

It turns out that the charity CLIC Sargent provides social workers – not something I would ever think I would need. But they are just there to help you navigate this terrifying maze. Cancer affects everything and the ripples spread right through your life.

Our social worker, Chrissy, helped me sit down and just take stock of what I needed, and what I needed to prepare for. It’s hard to do that when you’re still reeling from the news that your child has cancer. Isabella did brilliantly and was given the ‘all clear’ in 2012.

It’s strange really. You would think that would be when I felt best. But when I had the time to myself, when the dust settled, everything hit me. I had what I would describe as a mini-breakdown. I was all over the place emotionally and the anxiety was through the roof. I went on anti-depressants and beta blockers. When I was treated they told me that I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

At first that seemed crazy. Isn’t that something soldiers experience after being on a battlefield? But then I stepped back and looked at what I had been through. Watching your child go through chemotherapy; seeing her go through the trauma of needles and side-effects; dealing with immense fear of her being so unwell and having to keep your composure throughout. Of course that’s a battlefield – it’s a complete war zone. Of course parents are traumatised by their experiences.

You would like to think ‘all clear’ means exactly that – not so lucky. Isabella’s cancer has come back three times. Each time it comes back everything changes again. You think you’re free of it, but that fear is always in the shadows.

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I think childhood cancer is one of those things that parents would rather not be aware of – until it hits you. This month CLIC Sargent is working to raise awareness of just what this disease is doing to the mental health of the parents who are helping their children through it all.

There’s hundreds of parents out there who need help. You might even know some yourself. Therapy will work for many. It didn’t work for me – I needed the support of people who had some understanding of what I was dealing with.  I prefer just spending time talking to other parents who have a child with cancer. Just having that understanding you get from someone in the same position can make a huge difference.

We don’t know when our cancer journey will end, but we know everyone will be doing everything they can for Isabella. A hard parenting less I have learnt is that parents need to think of themselves as well, as hard as that can be. Sometimes the hardest thing can be admitting that you’re struggling, but it’s the first step toward getting the help you need.

To find out more about CLIC Sargent support visit the charity’s website.

Jennie Dalton

Mother to a young girl who is fighting cancer. Passionate about raising awareness of the need for support of families affected by the disease.

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