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Sometimes a girl just needs her mum.
That time when two like minded women appreciate each other for their kindred souls and hearts. I miss these moments. My mother passed away 6 years ago and in a strange way I’m used to not having these special times but I think it’s when the going gets tough that I deeply crave my mum. I get on with it, that’s what I’ve trained myself to do but as a mum, I would absolutely love to sit, cup of tea in hand and just chat with my own mum.
When life becomes a bit challenging, I feel this pang intensely.
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Often a combination of stressed parents and exhausted kids, resulting in me being snappy and emotions running high can leave me just staring out the window, willing my mother to walk through the door, give me a huge cuddle and remind me that everything will be ok.
I know these tough times don’t last. I know it’s just a phase. I know we are tired. I know one of us is in the throws of hormones.. (no, I’m not to blame this time). I know it’s not the end of the world but in these situations, I would have retreated to mums where she would have made
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some amazing kind of tea cake and brewed some seriously top notch tea or coffee and I would just sit and refuel on her wisdom…. Just what a tapped out mum needs!
I miss that chance to refuel. Sure I have amazing friends but no-one can replace the bond that a mother and daughter have. It’s unique. I find now, when I’m feeling this way, that I just stop and think to myself the things that I know she would say. She would make sure that I knew I was doing a good job and that when times were tough, that it was a phase and it will end. She had
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that capability to calm my concerns.
She would remind me that the boys were normal and not to feel as though I was failing and she would highlight just why I was feeling so defeated…. I would come away feeling more positive and ready to charge forward. Bless mothers, they always know what the right thing to say is! I’m grateful that I can still play out a situation and feel the response from her. I hope this stays with me for a long time to come.
My journey of motherhood began with her along side me and this I am grateful for. She set
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me a ’stride’ to maintain and I know this made the transition of not having her here physically that little bit easier. I believe that with her in my heart, I can continue on this path and tackle the stages and phases that come forth with confidence and assurance that my mothering is good enough.
It’s OK to have some ’not so perfect’ parenting moments, we all do – it is important to remember that… That’s the sort of stuff my mum would remind me of…. That’s the most important advice for a motherless mother to behold… We don’t have to get
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it right all the time and although we don’t have our mums to lean on during these times, we know she would be giving us a big hug if she could and telling us that we are doing a good job.
How amazing are mums, even when they are not here, they are here… It sure is a special bond that will never be broken…
My heart goes out to all of the Motherless Mums reading this. You are all incredible and your mums would be so utterly proud of you. Keep telling your children about the wonderful person your mum was, they will grow up loving her just as
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much as you do.
To read more about Leigh’s motherless journey, take a look at her published book, ’Without My Mum.’
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Leigh Van Der Horst - 28 Apr 15
Sometimes a girl just needs her mum.
That time when two like minded women appreciate each other for their kindred souls and hearts. I miss these moments. My mother passed away 6 years ago and in a strange way I’m used to not having these special times but I think it’s when the going gets tough that I deeply crave my mum. I get on with it, that’s what I’ve trained myself to do but as a mum, I would absolutely love to sit, cup of tea in hand and just chat with my own mum.
When life becomes a bit challenging, I feel this pang intensely. Often a combination of stressed parents and exhausted kids, resulting in me being snappy and emotions running high can leave me just staring out the window, willing my mother to walk through the door, give me a huge cuddle and remind me that everything will be ok.
I know these tough times don’t last. I know it’s just a phase. I know we are tired. I know one of us is in the throws of hormones.. (no, I’m not to blame this time). I know it’s not the end of the world but in these situations, I would have retreated to mums where she would have made some amazing kind of tea cake and brewed some seriously top notch tea or coffee and I would just sit and refuel on her wisdom…. Just what a tapped out mum needs!
I miss that chance to refuel. Sure I have amazing friends but no-one can replace the bond that a mother and daughter have. It’s unique. I find now, when I’m feeling this way, that I just stop and think to myself the things that I know she would say. She would make sure that I knew I was doing a good job and that when times were tough, that it was a phase and it will end. She had that capability to calm my concerns.
She would remind me that the boys were normal and not to feel as though I was failing and she would highlight just why I was feeling so defeated…. I would come away feeling more positive and ready to charge forward. Bless mothers, they always know what the right thing to say is! I’m grateful that I can still play out a situation and feel the response from her. I hope this stays with me for a long time to come.
My journey of motherhood began with her along side me and this I am grateful for. She set me a ‘stride’ to maintain and I know this made the transition of not having her here physically that little bit easier. I believe that with her in my heart, I can continue on this path and tackle the stages and phases that come forth with confidence and assurance that my mothering is good enough.
It’s OK to have some ‘not so perfect’ parenting moments, we all do – it is important to remember that… That’s the sort of stuff my mum would remind me of…. That’s the most important advice for a motherless mother to behold… We don’t have to get it right all the time and although we don’t have our mums to lean on during these times, we know she would be giving us a big hug if she could and telling us that we are doing a good job.
How amazing are mums, even when they are not here, they are here… It sure is a special bond that will never be broken…
My heart goes out to all of the Motherless Mums reading this. You are all incredible and your mums would be so utterly proud of you. Keep telling your children about the wonderful person your mum was, they will grow up loving her just as much as you do.
To read more about Leigh’s motherless journey, take a look at her published book, ‘Without My Mum.‘
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Leigh Van Der Horst is a mother of four boys who lives at Victoria's beautiful Mornington Peninsula, in Australia. Leigh discovered a passion for writing when her beloved mother passed away from cancer and now regularly writes for her inspiring website 'Leigh V Loves' and has recently published her first book 'Without My Mum'. Leigh believes that with a positive attitude, life can be a wonderful adventure and hopes to encourage others to live their best lives and believe in themselves.
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