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Would we be friends at school?

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Do you ever think about whether or not you would be friends with someone you met now if you were both at school together? I do. A lot. And the conclusion I mostly come to, is no. We wouldn’t.

But the reason why isn’t straight forward.

Your reasons could be super different to mine. My experience of school (high school) is weird and probably not typical. I felt very out of my depth until I hit 6th form and then I found a small solid bunch of friends and a massive attitude to the rest of the school (world…thanks hormones!). So either we

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wouldn’t have been friends because I wasn’t someone cool enough to be friends with if MY experience is the basis, or we wouldn’t have been friends because I was too aggressive and sarcastic for you. Lol! School days, SUCH fun!

There’s loads of other factors in school that determine whether or not you hang out though normally aren’t there? Same background, same attitude to school/work, same taste in clothes/music/people you fancy. Same bus, same sports team, same sense of humour, same neighbourhood. And it’s such a melting pot of hormones

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and ever moving goal posts. Whats “cool” one week with one group might not be “cool” the next. Do kids even use the word “cool” anymore? What’s “bussin’” with one group…. Ok no. I’m not using that word. But the ephemeral nature of what was cool was also the basis of a lot of friendships then too.

Skip forward to being in the playground as a parent and it’s a completely different experience. One of the most unexpected things for me about motherhood is how much it unifies people. How suddenly I became part of a secret gang that

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only the other parents are members of. Toddler groups and coffee groups were a great introduction to this but playgrounds are unique. Suddenly you realise every single person in that playground has almost certainly had a shitty morning, a shitty day, a shitty bedtime, a shitty holiday, a shit time AT SOME POINT because of their kids. Solely because on that day your kid/s did not want to do what you needed them to do.

And Oh My Christ it’s a relief.

Being in the school playground and surrounded by harried adults trying to get their darlings into

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class on time is a leveller. Your kid could be in the middle of the biggest goddamn meltdown because they dropped their bogey (this actually happened to me, I won’t name which child)… and you can guarantee if you look up someone will catch your eye, wink and smile. We’ve all been there.

If you’re lucky you’ll assemble a handful of mums who have time to grab a coffee with to calm the nerves before real life beckons. Or even better wine nights to commiserate/celebrate the failures and the wins of the day too. And you will have SO much to talk

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about. Even if you have nothing in your outside lives in common. You can always, always find some kid related topic to keep you nattering, laughing and sometimes crying for hours.

So it made me think, would we have been friends in school? Totally different backgrounds, completely different pre-kid life experience, totally different taste in everything. Probably not. But we sure as sugar are friends now. And I love that for us.

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- 14 Sep 21

Do you ever think about whether or not you would be friends with someone you met now if you were both at school together? I do. A lot. And the conclusion I mostly come to, is no. We wouldn’t.

But the reason why isn’t straight forward.

Your reasons could be super different to mine. My experience of school (high school) is weird and probably not typical. I felt very out of my depth until I hit 6th form and then I found a small solid bunch of friends and a massive attitude to the rest of the school (world…thanks hormones!). So either we wouldn’t have been friends because I wasn’t someone cool enough to be friends with if MY experience is the basis, or we wouldn’t have been friends because I was too aggressive and sarcastic for you. Lol! School days, SUCH fun!

There’s loads of other factors in school that determine whether or not you hang out though normally aren’t there? Same background, same attitude to school/work, same taste in clothes/music/people you fancy. Same bus, same sports team, same sense of humour, same neighbourhood. And it’s such a melting pot of hormones and ever moving goal posts. Whats “cool” one week with one group might not be “cool” the next. Do kids even use the word “cool” anymore? What’s “bussin’” with one group…. Ok no. I’m not using that word. But the ephemeral nature of what was cool was also the basis of a lot of friendships then too.

Skip forward to being in the playground as a parent and it’s a completely different experience. One of the most unexpected things for me about motherhood is how much it unifies people. How suddenly I became part of a secret gang that only the other parents are members of. Toddler groups and coffee groups were a great introduction to this but playgrounds are unique. Suddenly you realise every single person in that playground has almost certainly had a shitty morning, a shitty day, a shitty bedtime, a shitty holiday, a shit time AT SOME POINT because of their kids. Solely because on that day your kid/s did not want to do what you needed them to do.

And Oh My Christ it’s a relief.

Being in the school playground and surrounded by harried adults trying to get their darlings into class on time is a leveller. Your kid could be in the middle of the biggest goddamn meltdown because they dropped their bogey (this actually happened to me, I won’t name which child)… and you can guarantee if you look up someone will catch your eye, wink and smile. We’ve all been there.

If you’re lucky you’ll assemble a handful of mums who have time to grab a coffee with to calm the nerves before real life beckons. Or even better wine nights to commiserate/celebrate the failures and the wins of the day too. And you will have SO much to talk about. Even if you have nothing in your outside lives in common. You can always, always find some kid related topic to keep you nattering, laughing and sometimes crying for hours.

So it made me think, would we have been friends in school? Totally different backgrounds, completely different pre-kid life experience, totally different taste in everything. Probably not. But we sure as sugar are friends now. And I love that for us.

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Jess is a wine-addled, social media tart, feminist (does this need to be said?!) and chronic over sharer. She lives in Cardiff with her husband, children and some cats. Half heartedly trying to carve out a career by fancying herself as a bit of writer.

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