Writing from a happy place
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My little girl turned one today. Somehow, we have survived 365 days together. And we are in a great place.
Today didn’t play out like I expected it to. I expected to be consumed by thoughts of ‘this time last year’. There were no tears – of which there have been plenty of late. Going back to work, my daughter starting nursery and a first birthday/mummy-versary all falling in the space of two weeks was always going to result in heightened emotions. In just a few days I have experienced the full range of highs and lows on the rollercoaster of
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motherhood.
Many times over the past year, struggling to come to terms with the life changing event of having a baby, I turned to writing to help me process my thoughts. But often it seemed to do more harm than good. Writing from dark places only consolidated my dark feelings. Made them part of the furniture in my head, ever present. I would write frantically, desperate to ‘talk’, without anyone to listen (ever the perfectionist, I have never shared my words with anyone). Every time, I would end up crying. And it would feel like a step
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backwards.
Today, I want to write – but it’s because I am happy. Finally, I feel like I can see where we are, where we have come from, and wonderful snippets of what is to come as my baby becomes a little person.
Today I just felt…content. We’d got the family birthday parties out of the way at the weekend, so it was just our little family of three, doing our own thing. Sunny weather always helps – we couldn’t have asked for a better day, so unlike the cold, miserable February morning last year, snow lurking around the corner. My
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daughter had a settling in session at nursery which went well; we went out for lunch, we pottered around the garden, we went to the park. Watching my sparky, babbling, newly-walking toddler, I felt pride and joy. Today was a day to look at her and acknowledge that, actually, we have a done a bloody good job at raising her so far.
It has taken the best part of a year to love her the way I hoped I would. There have been far too many days in the past year where I could not see the future – I only saw the past, and my regrets. Now I feel excitement.
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Excitement for more sunny days ahead, for family days out, for all the special ‘firsts’ to come.
We are on the cusp of a new chapter in our lives and I cannot wait. Here’s to another 365 days with you, my little sidekick.
SelfishMother.com
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Harriet - 27 Feb 19
My little girl turned one today. Somehow, we have survived 365 days together. And we are in a great place.
Today didn’t play out like I expected it to. I expected to be consumed by thoughts of ‘this time last year’. There were no tears – of which there have been plenty of late. Going back to work, my daughter starting nursery and a first birthday/mummy-versary all falling in the space of two weeks was always going to result in heightened emotions. In just a few days I have experienced the full range of highs and lows on the rollercoaster of motherhood.
Many times over the past year, struggling to come to terms with the life changing event of having a baby, I turned to writing to help me process my thoughts. But often it seemed to do more harm than good. Writing from dark places only consolidated my dark feelings. Made them part of the furniture in my head, ever present. I would write frantically, desperate to ‘talk’, without anyone to listen (ever the perfectionist, I have never shared my words with anyone). Every time, I would end up crying. And it would feel like a step backwards.
Today, I want to write – but it’s because I am happy. Finally, I feel like I can see where we are, where we have come from, and wonderful snippets of what is to come as my baby becomes a little person.
Today I just felt…content. We’d got the family birthday parties out of the way at the weekend, so it was just our little family of three, doing our own thing. Sunny weather always helps – we couldn’t have asked for a better day, so unlike the cold, miserable February morning last year, snow lurking around the corner. My daughter had a settling in session at nursery which went well; we went out for lunch, we pottered around the garden, we went to the park. Watching my sparky, babbling, newly-walking toddler, I felt pride and joy. Today was a day to look at her and acknowledge that, actually, we have a done a bloody good job at raising her so far.
It has taken the best part of a year to love her the way I hoped I would. There have been far too many days in the past year where I could not see the future – I only saw the past, and my regrets. Now I feel excitement. Excitement for more sunny days ahead, for family days out, for all the special ‘firsts’ to come.
We are on the cusp of a new chapter in our lives and I cannot wait. Here’s to another 365 days with you, my little sidekick.
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