Yes, My Kid Uses a Pacifier. No, I don’t care .

Jennifer Landis - 9 Jul 18

“I want my binky!” My little girl says between tears, so I hand her the precious binky. I’ve gotten a few raised eyebrows in public, but it’s my child’s choice — and it’s never been a bad habit for her that necessitates breaking.

We were told she’s supposed to be over it by this age — she’s 3. I tried taking away her binky — once, and only once. I was Enemy Numero Uno, and she definitely didn’t get over it. I also felt an immense amount of guilt, like I was torturing my child. Even then, she didn’t rely on it heavily.

As a mom, you get to know the different kinds of crying your kid uses to express themselves. You know your kids have to learn they can’t have everything their way because that’s part of growing up and maturing. However, kids are kids. They mature at different rates, both mind and body. The crying was one ripped right out of my kid’s soul, and in that moment, I realized that giving her back the binky wasn’t a failing moment as a parent.

My Kid Uses Her Binky Wisely

I was going against the norm and trusting my kid to grow at her own pace instead of letting society dictate that for her. Another, more revolutionary, idea struck me — my kid wasn’t relying on her binky like an addiction. Binky wasn’t a substitute for learning how to regulate her emotions or self-control — this was self-soothing, and I had noticed she was using other ways to calm herself down, too.

Part of parenting means guiding children through forming good and healthy habits, and most of that comes through scheduling bedtimes, meals and other aspects of care. You can’t schedule emotions. My daughter uses her pacifier to regulate her responses independently since we exposed her to other forms of comfort and soothing, such as cuddles from mom and dad, imaginative play and reading. At birth, a thumb drifts naturally to a baby’s mouth, and thumb-sucking is the first self-soothing technique a child learns.

Too Much Binky by a Certain Age?

Can you never have enough Binky? My daughter thinks so and only uses her pacifier when she feels the need. I actively ask her if another idea might work better. Sometimes, yes, and sometimes no.

However, giving up binky will be like giving up a special friend who’s always shown up for her in a time of need. Many believe the cons outweigh the benefits of continued pacifier use, but the benefits are greater than you think.

Doctors agree that pacifiers may reduce the risk of SIDS and cavities, among other benefits. Using a pacifier is easier to break as a habit since your child is less likely to use it as a non-nutritive form of self-soothing, which reduces the risk of cavities. The cons your child gets exposed to are from adding sweetener to the pacifier, you putting it in your mouth and then giving it to them, and not sanitizing the pacifier. Over time, the extended use of a pacifier can cause issues with teeth alignment, but developing a good habit from a young age helps prevents this.

The best solution is to let your child choose and not pop a pacifier in their mouth every time they cry or need to wait a little longer until mealtime. Pushing the pacifier on your kid will make the habit more difficult to break later. Don’t make yourself the person to blame down the road, and don’t be the parent who teaches their kid, however inadvertently, to tease someone who still loves their binky at age 3 or more.

A child who uses a pacifier or sucks their thumb past the age of 3 is almost right up there with other previous taboos, like talking about your period in public — which most know is ridiculous in modern times. However, other judgy parents still think these acts are socially unacceptable. Come on! These are kids!

One consideration is the social taboo of having too much binky when you’re of a certain age, but who knew you could be over the hill by age 3? Others tell you that your child will get teased for still relying on a pacifier. Those are the same adults that put that idea into kids’ heads. Age 4 is the typical advised age for cutoff due to a child’s developing teeth, among other concerns discussed here, but parents shouldn’t be a part of the problem.

Let your child gradually choose their next comfort object. Reading and a favorite stuffed animal have become a regular part of my daughter’s self-soothing, and she uses her binky less and less. Perhaps going cold turkey or letting your child say goodbye to their binky in their own special way is what’s called for — but let it be up to your child as much as possible.

When she’s ready to say goodbye and it affects her teeth, we’ll talk about getting rid of binky. Until then, my kid uses a pacifier, and no, I don’t care.

Jennifer Landis

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