Yes, You Can Eat That Off the Floor

Tetyana Denford - 26 Jan 16

“Ugh, don’t lick the car. No, Thora, ick.” I said the other day. And I thought to myself, ‘wow… I can’t believe I just said that, and didn’t actually feel like Dettol-ing her entire face.’*

Kids are weird. Sure, they’re wonderful, but so weird. And it seems that the more my husband and I have, the weirder they get. But I’ve also noticed that, with more kids comes less “crazy freakout” over the weirdness. Let me try and explain…

Before we started having kids, someone said to us (one of the best pieces of advice, actually): ‘kids are like pancakes. You kind of screw up the first couple, and then it gets a bit easier’. And with all the routines and schedules and How To Be a Parent But Also Be Sane books I read, I made myself (and my eldest child) slightly nuts. I was *so* determined to be *that* mum. The perfectly calm, organic-feeding mother that never uses dummies and always had her kids play with organically-sourced wooden toys. Luckily, my kids taught me otherwise.

My first baby broke me of the “everything must be perfect” habit. I was overly cautious about everything,hovering over her when she started crawling at 5 months, and then walking at 12 months. But everything with her was “no Mamo, I do it. I DO IT.” To this day, 6 years later, she is still fiercely independent and stubborn and refuses any help unless it’s the last possible alternative.

My second baby, I felt a bit more relaxed. I was more worried about how to juggle two babies into a bedtime routine, than I was about making my own organic purees. The second child was allowed chocolate much earlier on than the first one, and things like crisps and juice were more than just once a week.

My third baby? Yeah, she *totally* eats off the floor sometimes because I have no more ham or potato left for her lunch. I blow on it and give it back to her. I don’t use hand sanitiser on her toys when we’re in the park. I’m okay with dirt in weird places. And more than a few times, having been caught out without a spare, I’ve totally scooped out her full nappy and dumped the contents into a toilet before putting the nappy straight back on her. Ahhhccchk. I needed a gin after *those* times.

And ironically, the third baby, for me anyway, has been not only easier to deal with (because I’m not nose-deep in a book trying to figure out how I can cure her latest cough), but she’s taught me (and everyone else in the family) how to find the joy. How not to stress about the small stuff. How to indulge in the crazy.

Because being comfortable in the crazy, after all, can be hugely liberating as a mum.

Now excuse me whilst I peel my kid off the bookshelf.

Tetyana Denford

Tetyana is a Ukrainian-American mum of three, married to an Englishman, living in NY. She's written for Elle and Vogue magazines, and her first novel 'Motherland' is available at Amazon. She hosts a YouTube show called The Craft and Business of Books, translates for Frontline PBS news, and writes freelance.

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