You don’t have to be a Hippie to Homebirth

Clemmie Telford - 10 May 15

These are my reasons for doing it….
Being able to eat nice food after (yes parma ham!).
You can still go to hospital when ever you like, just like any other labour.

I poo alot when I’m in labour.

I moo alot when I’m in labour.

I get naked alot when I’m in labour.

My inner control freak HATES the fact you can’t decide exactly when you go into labour. Being in control of my environment is the next best thing.

Burning Diptyque candles make any situation better.

Because every second person says ‘you’re brave’. They mean ‘stupid’. Which makes me want to prove them wrong.

Apart from the beach, home is my happiest place. Happy place = easier labour.

I can have a cry afterwards for no apparent reason without worrying the person next bed is listening.

You get your very own midwife.

My own bed.

My own loo.

My own shower.

Statistically its safer. Love a stat.

No time restraint or shift changes.

Saves an argument with the husband about the way he drives (for the record he brakes too suddenly).

Saves an argument about not having money for the car park (one job!!!).

Less ‘hands-up vag’ moments. There is nothing more soul destroying than being told you are ONLY 3 cm dilated.

Did I mention how much I poo and moo?

And that I reaaally like Parma ham. Ideally eaten on pizza, in bed, after giving birth.

Clemmie Telford

Whatcha. I am a Mamma of two little boys, living in South East London. It feel as if I am constantly winging it as I parent. But maybe I'll still feel like that when I am 72? I write in lists because, well, I'm not quite capable of stringing together or writing a sentence any more. They are a collection of observations of this mental journey we are all on. It's a 'roller-coaster ride' you can't get off, so we may as well laugh (and drink Gin).

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