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You know you’re tired when…

1
You try to open the front door with your car keys. And I’m not talking about clumsily ramming the oversized key in our Yale lock. I mean standing at the front door pushing the ‘unlock’ button and seriously expecting the door to open.

You make a cup of tea in a glass of water. You plop the tea bag in and stare at it vacantly, waiting for it to brew.

After sifting through a bag full of used nappies, Ella’s Kitchen pouches and Lego men to frantically find your phone before you miss a call, you’re bemused when it’s still ringing after

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2
you’ve ‘answered’ it. You sheepishly realise you’re trying to answer your house phone, which has somehow made it out with you.

You literally cry over spilt milk.

You give the wrong thing to the wrong child. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve said ‘shhh’ while trying to put a dummy in my 4-year-old’s mouth. I’ve also put wrong hats on head, wrong shoes on feet, and impatiently shook a coat at a very confused 8-month-old, while screaming ‘put your coat on!’. Yeah, good luck with that one!

You try to make a cup of coffee on

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3
the Perfect Prep machine. Come on, we’ve all done it!

You swagger to the oven like a domestic goddess, ready to serve up the delicious roast your family’s been waiting for, only to realise you turned the oven on, but forgot to put the chicken in. The beautiful cooking smells you’ve all been admiring? Well, that’s just the sophisticated blend of months of baked on cheese, sausage fat and fish finger juice, because let’s be honest, you haven’t cleaned your oven properly since circa 2014.

You forget your child’s name. You work your way

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through all the cousins, the pets and even random children that live on your street, before you stumble upon the name that you agonised over for 9 months.

You wake up in your child’s bed and have no recollection of how you got there.

’Topsy and Tim’ makes you cry. You’ll never measure up to those perfect parents. But then again, your children will never be that polite or well behaved either.

Sleep deprivation is torture. To avoid completely going insane, you’ve got to try and laugh about it.

Hope this helps 😊

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Erin Madden

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- 17 Dec 18

You try to open the front door with your car keys. And I’m not talking about clumsily ramming the oversized key in our Yale lock. I mean standing at the front door pushing the ‘unlock’ button and seriously expecting the door to open.

You make a cup of tea in a glass of water. You plop the tea bag in and stare at it vacantly, waiting for it to brew.

After sifting through a bag full of used nappies, Ella’s Kitchen pouches and Lego men to frantically find your phone before you miss a call, you’re bemused when it’s still ringing after you’ve ‘answered’ it. You sheepishly realise you’re trying to answer your house phone, which has somehow made it out with you.

You literally cry over spilt milk.

You give the wrong thing to the wrong child. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve said ‘shhh’ while trying to put a dummy in my 4-year-old’s mouth. I’ve also put wrong hats on head, wrong shoes on feet, and impatiently shook a coat at a very confused 8-month-old, while screaming ‘put your coat on!’. Yeah, good luck with that one!

You try to make a cup of coffee on the Perfect Prep machine. Come on, we’ve all done it!

You swagger to the oven like a domestic goddess, ready to serve up the delicious roast your family’s been waiting for, only to realise you turned the oven on, but forgot to put the chicken in. The beautiful cooking smells you’ve all been admiring? Well, that’s just the sophisticated blend of months of baked on cheese, sausage fat and fish finger juice, because let’s be honest, you haven’t cleaned your oven properly since circa 2014.

You forget your child’s name. You work your way through all the cousins, the pets and even random children that live on your street, before you stumble upon the name that you agonised over for 9 months.

You wake up in your child’s bed and have no recollection of how you got there.

‘Topsy and Tim’ makes you cry. You’ll never measure up to those perfect parents. But then again, your children will never be that polite or well behaved either.

Sleep deprivation is torture. To avoid completely going insane, you’ve got to try and laugh about it.

Hope this helps 😊

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Erin Madden

Writer and mother of two. Healing my parenting wounds and soldiering on with a little bit of humour.

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