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View as: GRID LIST

You’re pregnant … again?!

1
With your first healthy pregnancy reveal, it’s all perfect, shiny and new; and the reactions you receive are equally as bright and positive, in amongst the obligatory ‘about blimmin’ time!’ line for any married couple or those who have been together for a while. It’s the moment many of us have dreamed of and the excitement just bubbles and bubbles. When you mutter those two words (I’m pregnant!) you generate smile after smile. Even upon the faces of complete strangers which is pretty powerful stuff. Fear or worry is the last thing on your
SelfishMother.com
2
mind.

My second pregnancy has been somewhat of a different experience, as well as some of the responses…

To set the scene, we have a beautiful baby girl who has just reached the eight month mark. I found out I was pregnant again when she was around three-and-a-bit months old. Once we got our heads around the idea of two teeny people, both in nappies and ever so reliant upon us for everything, it hit me… Truly blessed is what we are. End of.

However, ‘blessed’ wasn’t always the first word on people’s lips when we broke our

SelfishMother.com
3
news…

I was terrified, to the point that I was physically shaking and teary, breaking the news to my boss who continually tells me of her excitement at the thought of having me back. My career is incredibly important to me and I didn’t want to let her or the increasingly stressed-out team down, if that makes sense. Despite me telling her I would now only be going back for three months before going off again, she was incredibly supportive and sympathetic at seeing the wreck I’d become. Given the job market where I live and increasing tales of

SelfishMother.com
4
discrimination against pregnant women, that is where the fear should have stopped. Instead, I felt a fear of being judged at being pregnant again so soon by everyone because it isn’t the done thing generally.

I was worrying about nothing when it came to my true friends and family. I should have known this would be the case, and been comforted by it, but a worrier will always worry it seems, and even more so when fuelled by crazy pregnancy hormones! On the other hand, the minority reacted just as I feared. Those first time smiles from strangers and

SelfishMother.com
5
friends of friends were replaced with stony faces, an abrupt ‘oh’, ‘how much of an age difference will there be exactly?’ or crude and inappropriate comments about bedroom activity. A simple congrats was all I craved but it was nowhere to be seen. Months on I’m still waiting. I then felt like I had to justify our situation with a ‘it wasn’t planned’.  I have actually stopped saying this out of annoyance at both them and me! Plan or no plan, this baby is loved and very much wanted. End of. And we are soooo excited for our baby girl to be
SelfishMother.com
6
the best big sister we know she will be, if a little scared after an extremely traumatic birth that isn’t yet a distant memory!

People have told me about the second baby syndrome where you generally receive less excitement, less congratulatory cards and so on but this feels different to that somehow because this wasn’t expected by anyone. It’s not just the first time excitement that’s missing from the minority, but manners and a bit of compassion for a scared and emotional mumma (to-be).  I know it’s the minority of the time I’m speaking

SelfishMother.com
7
about here but as a new mum, in particular, I think many of us fear judgement on a daily basis even more. For me it’s everything from the fact I bottle fed (‘do you realise breast is best?’, sigh!) to do people think I have piled on the pounds since my first and this growing bump is just an ever increasing pizza and chocolate belly, eek! My husband is fed up of my daily ‘fat or pregnant?’ quiz that comes with each outfit change.

I miss that warm and fuzzy feeling from my first pregnancy announcement dearly and wish more than anything that I

SelfishMother.com
8
didn’t care about what others thought so much, especially the fact it is the minority. The people who mean anything to me are who matter and their reactions I wouldn’t change for the world.

So for anyone out there with the stupid and irritable guilty dread about revealing their second time news (with perhaps a shorter than average age gap!), stand tall and remember we are truly blessed to bring these tiny miracles into the world, whenever that may be. There is not a good or bad time and nobody should tell you otherwise. I am slowly but surely

SelfishMother.com
9
learning to do the same whilst remembering that the love this baby will experience is something that won’t change this time round. And those smiles on our faces will be just as big when you appear, with not a single ‘oh’ in sight.

 

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- 13 Jun 16

With your first healthy pregnancy reveal, it’s all perfect, shiny and new; and the reactions you receive are equally as bright and positive, in amongst the obligatory ‘about blimmin’ time!’ line for any married couple or those who have been together for a while. It’s the moment many of us have dreamed of and the excitement just bubbles and bubbles. When you mutter those two words (I’m pregnant!) you generate smile after smile. Even upon the faces of complete strangers which is pretty powerful stuff. Fear or worry is the last thing on your mind.

My second pregnancy has been somewhat of a different experience, as well as some of the responses…

To set the scene, we have a beautiful baby girl who has just reached the eight month mark. I found out I was pregnant again when she was around three-and-a-bit months old. Once we got our heads around the idea of two teeny people, both in nappies and ever so reliant upon us for everything, it hit me… Truly blessed is what we are. End of.

However, ‘blessed’ wasn’t always the first word on people’s lips when we broke our news…

I was terrified, to the point that I was physically shaking and teary, breaking the news to my boss who continually tells me of her excitement at the thought of having me back. My career is incredibly important to me and I didn’t want to let her or the increasingly stressed-out team down, if that makes sense. Despite me telling her I would now only be going back for three months before going off again, she was incredibly supportive and sympathetic at seeing the wreck I’d become. Given the job market where I live and increasing tales of discrimination against pregnant women, that is where the fear should have stopped. Instead, I felt a fear of being judged at being pregnant again so soon by everyone because it isn’t the done thing generally.

I was worrying about nothing when it came to my true friends and family. I should have known this would be the case, and been comforted by it, but a worrier will always worry it seems, and even more so when fuelled by crazy pregnancy hormones! On the other hand, the minority reacted just as I feared. Those first time smiles from strangers and friends of friends were replaced with stony faces, an abrupt ‘oh’, ‘how much of an age difference will there be exactly?’ or crude and inappropriate comments about bedroom activity. A simple congrats was all I craved but it was nowhere to be seen. Months on I’m still waiting. I then felt like I had to justify our situation with a ‘it wasn’t planned’.  I have actually stopped saying this out of annoyance at both them and me! Plan or no plan, this baby is loved and very much wanted. End of. And we are soooo excited for our baby girl to be the best big sister we know she will be, if a little scared after an extremely traumatic birth that isn’t yet a distant memory!

People have told me about the second baby syndrome where you generally receive less excitement, less congratulatory cards and so on but this feels different to that somehow because this wasn’t expected by anyone. It’s not just the first time excitement that’s missing from the minority, but manners and a bit of compassion for a scared and emotional mumma (to-be).  I know it’s the minority of the time I’m speaking about here but as a new mum, in particular, I think many of us fear judgement on a daily basis even more. For me it’s everything from the fact I bottle fed (‘do you realise breast is best?’, sigh!) to do people think I have piled on the pounds since my first and this growing bump is just an ever increasing pizza and chocolate belly, eek! My husband is fed up of my daily ‘fat or pregnant?’ quiz that comes with each outfit change.

I miss that warm and fuzzy feeling from my first pregnancy announcement dearly and wish more than anything that I didn’t care about what others thought so much, especially the fact it is the minority. The people who mean anything to me are who matter and their reactions I wouldn’t change for the world.

So for anyone out there with the stupid and irritable guilty dread about revealing their second time news (with perhaps a shorter than average age gap!), stand tall and remember we are truly blessed to bring these tiny miracles into the world, whenever that may be. There is not a good or bad time and nobody should tell you otherwise. I am slowly but surely learning to do the same whilst remembering that the love this baby will experience is something that won’t change this time round. And those smiles on our faces will be just as big when you appear, with not a single ‘oh’ in sight.

 

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PR turned mumma (and mumma-to-be) with a penchant for my little family, writing, oh, and anything smothered in chocolate.

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