L is For Learner

Kate Peers - 29 Feb 16

I had a moment last year when I looked around and thought to myself, I’ve cracked it. All three boys were sleeping through the night, they were happy at school and nursery, they played together, instead of fighting together. Toilet training was mission accomplished for the elder two and our little one spent the whole day toddling around in what often seemed to be a permanent state of euphoria (what’s he on, I want to know). I felt a moment of triumph. Three mountains had been climbed, with many falls and set backs on the way but that moment of ‘at last’ seemed to have arrived. That night I cracked open a bottle of wine to celebrate. The tantrums were over, the exhaustion was gone forever and I could do anything from now on. I started to plan days out with the kids, things that we could do now that they were such good companions and listened so well. I went to sleep that night feeling so very happy.

The beauty of motherhood is that you forget how long the bad periods last, but equally I forget how long that good period lasted. Within a flash, the middle one had turned into a proper threenager. Terrible tantrums, running off out of parks, hiding in supermarkets and I was back to learning on the job, because that’s what we do as Mums. We learn on the job. Faced with a new situation we seek out answers, advice and solutions from family, friends, books and professionals; essentially all they can do is advise us, as Mums we are the ones who have to make the call as to what we think is right for our children.

I have thought back to every job that I have done. Summer holidays as a student, working in factories potting plants, picking stalks off raisins (for 8 hours a day may I add), waitressing, marketing assistant, ad agency client manager, interiors stylist, teaching assistant (I’ve had a varied career). On each and every job I received training before before I was even given the smallest responsibility. I widened my job list, to ones that I haven’t done. There are the obvious ones like vet, architect, doctor, jobs that of course would be near impossible to do without training but then hang on a minute, becoming pregnant, giving birth, caring, nurturing, feeding and raising another human being was just massive. How much training do you get for this? Zero hours (bar the six hours antenatal classes where you make whale noises and hold knitted breasts… or is that just in Brighton).

How do we know if we are making the right decisions? Breastfeeding, weaning, potty training, when is the right time? Which nursery is right? Which school is right? Should we let them eat sugar or just home-made raw cookies from vegetables? Swimming club or gymnastics, which route? Letting them jump on the furniture in your house is fine, going to a new friends houses where they have different rules about sofa jumping and suddenly you are being judged. In days gone by we would be living near our own mothers, being guided by them. My mother is not alive, therefore my friends have become family. It is my sister and oldest friends I turn to asking for guidance and help, I learn from them and I learn from the kids. I haven’t had a moment since last year where I felt like I was on top of this mothering thing. I’m not sure that I ever will but that’s not a bad thing. Acceptance is the best thing and I will always be learning for as long as I am doing this job.

Kate Peers

Mum to three boys under nine. Writer, sea swimmer and social media manager.

View profile for posts, events and more info