SWANKY NEW TRAINERS
VS SKANKY OLD TRAINERS
1
It’s nearly fashion weeks, which means people taking pictures of themselves and other people wearing important clothes. I love it! I have nothing to do with any of it. I am just a slack-jawed observer who wears too much black, last season and skanky old trainers with dried up bits of mud on them.
Swanky New Trainers have been having a fashion moment for a long time now. I don’t need to tell you that! Everyone is wearing them on their feet and going somewhere with them on. It is extremely serious. I see the ladies on the nursery run in their Nike
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Free Fly 3.112s and their New Balances 410 v4.5s and sometimes Asics Gel 8 Nooses – their feet in neon states of emergency – and think wow! Fashiony! I could do that!
But I’ve got to level with you. Trainers remind me of PE and, more specifically, Sports’ Day, which reminds me of ritual humiliation, hiding in bushes, faking pregnancies and doing the 1500m metres backwards, fag-in-mouth, to the gregarious beats of 90s legend, Shaggy. High times. So I am not likely to buy clothing that reminds of all that. No thanks. Not in my name! I won’t do
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it, Miss Hills. I WON’T.
And anyway, why would I buy Swanky New Trainers when I could just go ferreting about in the bucket in the hall and dig out my Skanky Old Trainers? I’m talking my trusty old Nike Pegasuses, which I bought back when Harry Styles was merely zygotic and which I wear to throw myself about a bit when I’ve got too fat, or have had a baby, or have to go out to dinner with my husband for our annual date.
Skanky Old Trainers. Just do it!
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illustrations & observations…
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Mrs Bovary - 30 Jan 14
It’s nearly fashion weeks, which means people taking pictures of themselves and other people wearing important clothes. I love it! I have nothing to do with any of it. I am just a slack-jawed observer who wears too much black, last season and skanky old trainers with dried up bits of mud on them.
Swanky New Trainers have been having a fashion moment for a long time now. I don’t need to tell you that! Everyone is wearing them on their feet and going somewhere with them on. It is extremely serious. I see the ladies on the nursery run in their Nike Free Fly 3.112s and their New Balances 410 v4.5s and sometimes Asics Gel 8 Nooses – their feet in neon states of emergency – and think wow! Fashiony! I could do that!
But I’ve got to level with you. Trainers remind me of PE and, more specifically, Sports’ Day, which reminds me of ritual humiliation, hiding in bushes, faking pregnancies and doing the 1500m metres backwards, fag-in-mouth, to the gregarious beats of 90s legend, Shaggy. High times. So I am not likely to buy clothing that reminds of all that. No thanks. Not in my name! I won’t do it, Miss Hills. I WON’T.
And anyway, why would I buy Swanky New Trainers when I could just go ferreting about in the bucket in the hall and dig out my Skanky Old Trainers? I’m talking my trusty old Nike Pegasuses, which I bought back when Harry Styles was merely zygotic and which I wear to throw myself about a bit when I’ve got too fat, or have had a baby, or have to go out to dinner with my husband for our annual date.
Skanky Old Trainers. Just do it!
Click here for all posts by Mrs Bovary
Visit MrsBovary.com for more brilliant illustrations & observations…
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Mrs. Bovary is a brilliant illustrator, who lives in London and is mother to Hubert, 3. Discover her new greetings cards Atelier Bovary. Trust us you'll never want to buy any other cards again.
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