The Nonconformist Parent

Yvonne Telford - 30 May 16

Without going into too much detail, yesterday I had a heart-to-heart with a dear friend about the pressure she is facing as a modern day parent. Some of these pressures, I face as well and I am sure you do too. Unlike our childhoods where a secure and happy family environment was all our parents strived to give us, it is different for the modern day parent. Modern day parents feel the pressure to provide much more than our parents provided for us. From the time we fall pregnant, we subconsciously decide to become perfect parents: we buy baby books, put our children on strict routines, feed them organic veg and ban TV.

In my opinion (and remember it is just mine) we modern-day parents care too much for our kids. And because of this, we are constantly anxious (like my friend was when we had this chat). As anxious parents, we no longer enjoy parenthood. We feel we must (just to name just two examples) throw fabulous birthday parties year after year, and put unnecessary pressure on our kids to be the star of the class. And I speak from experience.

Don’t get me wrong, as a modern day mum, I understand why the modern parent feels this pressure; the world is competitive so parents feel the need to prepare their kids for it. Can you blame us? But what we have forgotten is that good intention can sometimes go wrong. And for my friend, it is her mental wellbeing and her bank balance that is suffering. For now!

As we chatted, my friend asked me what the alternative to modern parenting is. My answer? The Nonconformist Parent. The parent who refuses to follow the herd and who does not care what you think of her as a parent. She understands that her wellbeing and her children’s is what matters the most. A Nonconformist Parent is a parent that teaches her kids that it is okay to be different – it is what is on the inside that counts and not the external stuff like beauty and achievements. ANonconformist Parent is also hardly stressed, miserable, not anxious and their kids are self-assured. They won’t give their kids a long-term complex.

 Some more facts on the Nonconformist Parent

• A Nonconformist Parent does not feel the pressure to purchase the latest gadget for her child in order for the child to fit in or for her child to feel worthy. Worthiness comes from within.

• A Nonconformist Parent is laidback

• Nonconformist Parents knows when to say No or Yes to their children’s requests.

• Nonconforming Parents won’t throw birthday parties just because everyone else throws parties.

• A Nonconformist Parents teaches her child how to listen to her inner voice for guidance.

• Nonconformist Parents refuses to put pressure on their kids to do well in their exams, to get good grades, or to go on to university. Instead, they instil in them (by example) how to work hard, have grit and have good manners.

• A Nonconformist Parent gives her child the freedom to play, to explore and to make mistakes.

• Nonconformist Parents are not suckers for anything their children are passionate about. If a child is passionate about ballet, it doesn’t mean the child wants ballet lessons.

• Nonconformist Parents listen to their children instead of directing them. They allow their children to pick what they are passionate about.

• A Nonconformist Parent lets her child try things that they’ll be unexceptional at.

• Nonconformist Parents do not try to be and do all things for their kids. They know that they’ll end up not being good parents – they’ll be unhappy and miserable.

In a society where we all strive to be perfect parents and we judge other parents for choices made, is the Nonconformist Parenting really possible or is just a theory. What do you think?

Yvonne xxx

Yvonne Telford

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