Father’s Day Dilemma

claire davies - 18 Jun 16

Every year this day gets more and more attention as we grow more and more commercialised. Don’t get me wrong I’m up for a celebration anytime and having had, in my opinion, the best Dad in the world myself – I think that Dads should get a nod to all they do for their kids just as much as mum should. According to the oracle that is GOOGLE, it is said that Father’s Day came from an idea of a daughter of a single Dad back in 1908 (according to my favourite thread) but it took some time to become established and it was retailers that really campaigned to bring it to the day it is today – it’s now the biggest day for male related gifts apart from Christmas and ties are the most popular gift. In case you were interested!

Anyway, my dilemma – what to do about Father’s Day when your precious boy is only recently bereaved having lost his father just seven months ago. Winston’s Wish – the fabulous charity that supports bereaved children quite rightly say, don’t brush it under the proverbial carpet – acknowledge and honour the father who has died, as your child will be thinking about their loss. They also give some suggestions of things you could do together to mark this day. We have plans to spend the afternoon with my brother and his family having a BBQ which was his Dad’s most favourite thing to do. He will also get to spend time with my brother, playing football and talking about football – so check and double check on the male role model and football is also totally covered because try as I might I just cannot get excited about football. Even if Mr Beckham was running around the pitch in his underwear I still would struggle to be engaged in the game.

Thank goodness he is fortunate to have some very positive male role models in his life who I am confident will get him through when only a man will do the trick. I don’t want to suggest sending a card to one of them as I don’t want him ever to think they are any kind of replacement for a Dad. He has a Dad – always will. He’s just no longer with us in person. We lost my lovely Dad four years ago but at least I had 41 years to make memories with him. My son doesn’t have that luxury  but we will make do with what we have in the memory bank and thankfully I have always been a prolific photographer so we have lots of visual reminders of time spent with his Dad.

My boy has already made me a card at school in lieu of making one for his Dad, thanking me for looking after him. I was pretty relived it said that and not ‘thank you for buying me match attax cards, football stickers, FIFA points, having excellent wifi’ etc.  I’m going to see if he wants to make a card for his Dad to put my his picture. I’ve been wracking my brain as to what else we could do. We don’t have a grave, his mum has his ashes (plus we haven’t fully discussed the whole cremation business as he was too horrified by even the hint of it), we are likely to move house next year so don’t want to plant anything in the garden and we already purchased a small Acer tree in a pot as it was one of his Dad’s favourite trees.

I think I’ve decided to suggest we make a cartoon/story book which we can add chapters to as and if he wishes. My son and his Dad had a mutual love/appreciation of Superheroes, especially Marvel ones so that might be a nice theme and hopefully it will be a positive reminder of the relationship they had. We have already started a memory box which is a little too painful for him at the moment as he frets every time he thinks he has lost even a tiny kinder egg toy that Daddy just might have given him.

Or, he might just want to have a nice brew in bed, a cuddle and chat about things we did as a family or what his Dad was like and just leave it there. I’m going to be guided by him but I have my suggestion to present and if it sounds like something he wants to do I’ll have paper and pencils at the ready. We won’t forget his Dad (or mine) tomorrow or any day.

Happy Father’s Day to all the wonderful Dads out there – enjoy your special day.

claire davies

Mother to Cooper. Lover of travelling. Optimist. Organiser.

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