To my Stepdaughter on your 18th Birthday

Jen Stephens - 12 Jun 17

I can remember everything about the day I met you. You were 10, nearly 11, with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. You wore a long jumper with baggy jeans and running trainers. Luckily, I ran a toy shop and your dad brought you in to meet me. You give me a little wave, grinned, then began exploring the soft toys. You had no idea I was dating your dad or how much I loved him but meeting you was one of the most important days of my life. I knew the instant I met you that I would do everything I could to love and support you. The feelings I had were overwhelming and I wanted to try my best to make you happy.

Moving in with you and your dad was so exciting but also quite terrifying; I became an instant mother figure. I had no idea how to be a parent, but then who really does? I was so aware that you had your own life to live, thoughts and feelings that may have been confusing, and how did you feel about me? and your mum not living here anymore?

It seemed that you warmed to me more than I could ever have hoped for. We’d spend evenings snuggled on the sofa, watching Friends whilst I stroked your hair. It felt that you needed my love as much as I needed yours.

I know that you felt things were moving too fast between me and your dad. When we talked about wanting a baby, you hid under a blanket on the sofa as we talked to you. I wanted to get under there and cuddle you… but I didn’t… I wish I could have given you the time that you needed, I wish we hadn’t had to rush.

Over the years I’ve watched you move forward with confidence, determination and a sense of self and pride that I never had as a teen. I’ve always admired your strength to do what’s right for you when you feel ready, not because the crowd are doing it or because you think it will impress someone.

I love that you are an individual, that you have the courage to be better and hold your beliefs close to your heart. I’m not going to say that I want to protect you from hurt and pain because it’s a cliche and I know you can handle it. I will always be here when you need me.

Have I been a good Stepmum? I hope so, but I’m sure I’ve done things that have upset you and annoyed you but please know that I never did it intentionally, only with the hope that I was doing the right thing. I never knew how hard it would be becoming a mum, trying to make sure that I’d give and take at the right times and figuring out how to help you become the best person you could be.

I hope I’ve inspired you to explore your hopes and dreams and as you prepare for University I wonder what it will be like when you aren’t here anymore? You won’t be asking what’s for dinner or if we can have sausage pasta at least once a week. You won’t be forgetting to wash your clothes or leaving dirty plates and cups in your bedroom! And if that’s the worst you’ve ever done… well lucky me…

I love you, Emma, as if you were my own,

Jen xx

Jen Stephens

Fabric hoarder, seamstress and lover of baked cheesecake.

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