Why do you like Instagram?

Claire Bheepathee - 11 Apr 19

My husband often asks this.  Why do I follow these people I don’t actually know? Why do I care? Why do they share?

My explanation was lost on him but might ring true for some of you.

Being happily married for almost 3 years and having reached my somewhat modest career goals, I fell pregnant and life changed forever.

It is evident now I went into motherhood with loaded expectations, not only of myself but of this innocent being I brought into this world. I had concurred the 9 months, with a few scares along the way, delivered in a birth centre with amazing midwives and fed my baby boy. Tick, tick, tick, right?! Well yes but then you take them home and reality hits. I thought I would be calm, patient, a ‘natural’ and we would fit into a lovely routine of feeding, sleeping and playing. I look back now and I absolutely made assumptions about who this little baby was, what they needed and how my fear of ‘bad habits’ meant I found it hard to be flexible in my parenting.

I felt the pressure from my mum ‘Keep persevering with breastfeeding’, when I had thrush on my nipples (who even knew you could get it there?!’) and cried in pain when he latched. My mother in law, ‘Give him a bottle’, at every opportunity. My friends, ‘Gina Ford is the way to go’. And lastly in the middle of the night , when you have to know about green poo or whether to give a dummy or let them suck their thumb, I ended up on certain mum forums. Reading questions and answers which absolutely made me feel even more confused and inadequate at the job I was doing. I got no positivity or guidance, just judgement.

It’s tough and exhausting but eventually there is light at the end of the tunnel. Whichever way, he got fed, he started to sleep, became more interactive and you start to get something back. And just  as we were getting into our grove of life and work and parenting, I fell pregnant again.

This but is a blur. I got to 32 weeks, took a pregnancy yoga class and spent the first 10 minutes crying as I realised this was the first point in my 2nd pregnancy, that I took a moment to stop and think about this precious baby inside of me. However, this time around, I got so much more enjoyment out of the new born sage. I was less concerned about having a routine, about getting stuck with ‘bad habits’ and most importantly cared less about what other people thought. I was not only surviving 2 under 2, with a husband who worked away most of the week, I was enjoying it.

So things settle down. Babies grow up, I’m back at work and I feel the judgment, pressures and expectations are back. How do I raise 2 children, focus on work, run a household and sustain my marriage? Am I doing right by all? Who knows? But this time, instead of holier than thou mum forums, I have Instagram. I have a group of people I follow to give me that reassurance that I am not alone and that I am smashing it, confidence that I am absolutely doing my best and I don’t need to justify myself or my decisions to anyone. It can be the simplest of things that resonate with me. @mothers_of_daughters once had a string of ‘confused, angry, crazy, sleepy, sad’ emoji’s which summed up my feelings of ‘bleh’ in October. I was not alone in these moments. @selfishmother’s response to the question ‘How do you do it all?’, empowering me to make better decisions about what I do with my time. @clemmie_telford relaying the message that ‘nagging’ is actually someone saying ‘I am overwhelmed’ and I need your help. It’s age, experience and resilience that has finally got me here and I’m pretty F-ing happy about it.

Look for people that bring you up, not pull you down. For positivity that empower you to do you, because no one else is going to do that for you!

Claire Bheepathee

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