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The Naming of the Parts
-Loudly. He is 2 and volume control is a skill as yet undiscovered.
”Daddy’s a boy and he’s got a willy.”
”Yes darling.”
-Me. Less loudly. We are, after all, squeezed together into a toilet cubicle at the V&A Museum.
”You’re a girl, you haven’t got a willy.”
”Yes darling. That’s right.”
-I am amused by this conversation. Happy to answer questions as I try to reach the toilet paper past the squeezed-in toddler. My late-pregnancy bladder can wait no longer.
”You lost your
-WHAT?
”You threw your willy in a skip!”
-WHAAAAT!!!!
”No, darling” (Squeaked, high pitched) ”Mummy never had a willy. I didn’t throw my willy in a skip!”
-Gulp. The sound of barely suppressed laughter is heard from both adjoining cubicles. I wonder how long we can reasonably hide in there for.
And this is the moment I realize that I have failed my son. Totally. He knows about male genitalia, he can name his parts, but all he has learned about women’s bits is simply an absence. A lack of willy. He has no words, and
How do I name the female parts? I find we lack a word that can be repeated loudly in a public toilet by a curious 2 year old without causing embarrassment or offence. Why so squeamish? Why am I not comfortable with the word Fanny? I’ve never really liked it, somehow. My mum referred to my Front Bottom at that age, but that seems a bit daft. It is not, after all, a bottom.
I decide to survey my friends. Other mothers of small people. Mothers of girls. We have some very funny conversations.
One
Another, who is Swedish, has always used the word Pearl in her native tongue. But then they moved to Pearl Road. And her daughter has a friend called Pearl. This could get confusing. And I don’t speak Swedish.
”How about Bits and Bobs”? Asks another. As in ”Have you wiped your Bits and Bobs?” Funny, but a bit too vague.
Minkie? Nope, sounds too much like the word
Finally someone suggests Pee-Pee. It sort of does what it says on the tin. Sounds inoffensive enough, but describes its function, and has a similar sing-song quality to Willy. It will have to do.
And it has. We tried it, it seems to work. But why don’t we, in the English language, have a common word that works? Fanny? Sort of. How about the C word? See, I can’t even type the word without
What about more technical terms? Vagina? Nope, I don’t think I want to hear my kids talking about vaginas just yet. But again, I blame my own prudish squeamishness for this. It’s not a terrible word, it just sounds medical, but also like a bit of grimace. I’ve tried saying it out loud, without grimacing. I can’t.
In Sweden they have tackled this problem by creating a new word. Snippa, to go with the male Snopp, (which is equivalent to willy). Oh those clever
Any ideas?