Why I Need Time away to be a good parent

Diva Mum - 28 Nov 18

It’s 3am and your little darling hasn’t slept through the night for over a week. When the morning arrives and you have to get up and leave the house for work, to do the food shop, to visit the doctor and said little darling starts behaving like they hatched on a volcano spawned by Satan himself.
You soldier on; you have shit to do. You make your way round asda and ignore the people looking at you whilst your kid’s screaming blue murder, desperately trying to escape the trolley. They may be empathising with you but it feels like they’re judging you. Rather than smile at them you throw them a ‘don’t fuck with me today look’ and continue shopping.
Littler darling falls asleep in the car on the way home, you get them out to sneak them into their bed and they wake up, miserable as sin and screaming again. You spend the next 4 hours trying to get them to nap until it’s too late for them to take the damn nap if you plan on getting any sleep tonight.

You start cooking tea and they’re whinging round your legs, hot fat spits out of the frying pan and you’re getting frustrated with worry. Dinner aborted, another fucking takeaway then because the darling who is looking more like the devil every second, has ruined any chance you have of cooking a decent meal.

You put them to bed at 7.30 only for them to be awake until 9.30 and then up again at 2am.
7am comes and you slept through your 6.15 alarm so now you’re all gonna be late for work/ childminders.
You go to work like a zombie and surprise yourself when 5pm comes at how ‘awake’ you now feel. 6pm and you’re dead again, let’s start back – cooking – bathing – putting darling to bed.

This ritual continues for a week.

If you don’t need a break by now you’re a better woman than me. I’m one of the lucky ones as I have a partner who’s very active in bringing up our child, we also have my Mum and his parents to help. Sometimes I need an hour sometimes I need a full 24 to recharge.

Now the break from the partner bit comes in. Alone time! Something mum’s very rarely get. You don’t even get to gangsta rap in the car on your own anymore. You can’t piss, shit or bathe without a little face following you around. You get pawed at, climbed on, kicked and poked for at least 10 hours a day. You have to pick them up, rock them to sleep, tuck them under your arm mid tantrum. Your partner comes home and leans in for a smooch and you flinch, please god no more touching. Fuck the fuck off, DO NOT put your semi in my back when I’m drifting off to sleep. I don’t want a hug, I can’t be bothered to scratch your back for you, get the fuck back over your own side of the bed.

I still love them both, more than life itself but in order for me to be able to cope with the demands and the physical strain I need a rest. I need to bath in peace, I need a siesta once a week and sometimes I need to go out and get blind drunk and spend the next day in bed with the DT’s.
Other times an hour reading a book and a bit of quiet will suffice.
I recently got called a bad Mum for labelling my kid a sometimes asshole. That asshole is my life. That doesn’t mean I don’t need space every now and again. When I complain it’s because I’m struggling. I don’t moan for the sake of moaning, it’s a cry for help.

Whether you’re a parent or a family member, listen out for those cries and take action. Give the Mum a break. Don’t make her feel guilty, I guarantee she probably already does.

Diva Mum

31 year old, over thinker, tea drinker, over sharer & over swearer. Loves: my child (obviously) moaning, beach walks, tea and writing!

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