Kate Evans - 17 Jan 19

So… Here we are, well in to January.

I’m still craving chocolate, wine and cheese (from my position lying prostrate on the sofa, watching re-runs of Come Dine With Me because I can’t be bothered to search for the TV remote to change the channel.)

My social media feeds are crammed full of virtuous, pink-faced Mums documenting how they’ve “smashed” their first run of the year / trip to the gym / most “exhilarating” hot yoga sessions that they’ve just embarked on, but it seems I’ve missed the memo.

I see all these posts and I’m torn between thinking ‘Good for them’, and wanting to administer a swift custard pie to their smug sweaty faces.

Mainly because seeing them makes me feel guilty that I’m not doing it, jealous that they are able to do it, and bored of the fact that we all get swept up in this trend of Insta-perfection that it IS JUST NOT WHAT REAL LIFE IS LIKE FOR MOST MUMS.

FFS.

First off, January is a shit month to start giving stuff up. We’ve just had a month of giving ourselves permission to eat what we like, drink what we like, spend more money than we usually would.

Bedtimes have slipped, we are waking that little bit later, our jeans are that little bit tighter, and the school run is that little bit more of an arse-ache as a result.

And it’s cold! – These are the months in which hibernating mammals are all tucked up, doing their sensible thing!

So why on earth is this the month to decide that we need to squeeze ourselves into a pair of leggings and sign up to Park Run in the Saturday sleet, or schlepp to the gym at some ungodly hour IN THE DARK because the sun doesn’t rise until nearly 8am and it get’s dark at 3.30pm, because it’s the middle of f*cking Winter?!

Another (particularly valid) reason for my anti-new year’s fitness and diet resolutions stance: – Winter colds.

Actually not just Winter colds. See also chest / throat / and tummy bugs, the flu, and any (many) other bastard bacteria that inevitably manage to make their way into my household during the coldest months of the year.

I have ranted before about how small people are basically harbingers of grot, particularly toddlers and pre-schoolers. I have no idea of the medical science behind this, but it is a fact.

I’m currently in the throes of a chest infection. The entire family had a cold over the Christmas holidays. When my toddler is ill she doesn’t sleep very well, which means, or course, that no-one sleeps very well. And when we’re tired we get run down, and when we’re run down we get ill. AGAIN. I’ve basically been ill with some shite or other since Christmas bastard Eve.

When I’m ill, or tired, or both, do you think I want a nice salad? An apple? Quinoa?

Do I f*ck.

I want comfort, dammit! It’s been hard enough winding down the nightly indulgence of wine and Ferrero Rocher… At least let me make pasta for dinner, or indulge in a hobnob with my afternoon cuppa, without making me feel guilty about it.

So here’s the thing… We need to call a halt to this whole shebang.

It’s just too much. It’s not that I think we should forget about healthy eating, or getting fit, especially having overindulged at Christmas. No. It’s just that I think we need a month or so to gear up to it.

We need to phase out our pre-Christmas habits, get used to going back to ‘normal’ levels of booze consumption, polish off the last of the Quality Street and THEN start afresh.

January should be a month for thinking about getting fit and healthy. For planning, and getting ideas about how to start exercising and eating a bit less cheese.

So… How about ‘Procrastination January’?

Otherwise known as ‘Only-drinking-3-nights-a-week January’, ‘walk-the-dog-for-a-proper-30-minutes-every-day-again January’ and ‘No-more-snacks-after 9pm January’.

Good, right?

Not too overwhelming. Definitely better. Feels do-able now doesn’t it?

And the best thing is – you don’t have to feel like you’ve failed before the year has really begun. Take your time, get over that pesky cold, and ease into things gently.

Aim for Fabulous February or… erm, Muscular March (?) (you try thinking of something catchy for March!) instead.

Whaddya reckon? Are you in?

~~~

Check out my blog if you related to this post… If you like a selection of random, funny stuff, and you enjoy a good meme or GiF in like-minded company, join my lovely Facebook group too. Hit me up on Insta for a glimpse into my chaotic household, or come and hang out on Twitter.

Kate Evans

View profile for posts, events and more info