5 Things Not To Bother Saying To a Pregnant Woman

Anniki Sommerville - 16 Oct 18

Let me kick this off by saying that I’m grateful to finally be pregnant with my second child (it took a long time put it that way). I don’t want to come across as a miserable sod. However now I’m entering my third trimester I’ve noticed there are common themes when it comes to the stuff people tend to say when they see me these days. Perhaps I’m being a little sensitive (hormones, being moody etc.) but these things don’t make me feel great… about being pregnant. Or… a woman. Or…just being.

1. You’re enormous! Each time I see you you’re even bigger

It’s funny that in any other time in a woman’s life, it’s not permissable to comment on her large size. You’d never go up to a non-pregnant lady and tell her how FAT she is so how come it’s okay now? Maybe I feel quite self-conscious already. Maybe I don’t enjoy the fact that I can’t tie my shoelaces or see my feet anymore.

If I was doing a scientific breakdown I’d have to say the ‘YOU’RE ENORMOUS’ category comes up 65% of the time (often followed by a quick, uninvited lunge and ‘grab the bump’ move).

2. This’ll be YOU soon hey? Hey? Bet you can’t wait!

This comment is usually made when you’re in the midst of a very chaotic weekend lunch with loads of parents, and there’s a small baby crying like mad and all the kids are kicking off and going mental. Then the speaker sniggers, looks over at you and uses as much sarcasm as possible to deliver this body blow. Their intention? To fill you with impending doom? To make you miserable? Yes babies are hard work but we will deal with the consequences just like everyone else does. We are actually pretty happy and looking forward to it thanks.

3. Is it a girl or a boy?

Definitely a top 5 question. And it’s hard to really have much of a witty, interesting bit of banter once it’s been said. If you haven’t found out,  then they say something like – ‘Oh well it’s nice to have a surprise. We don’t get many surprises these days.’ Or if you DO know the sex they say ‘Oh a girl/boy – that’s nice.’

Then you both look at the floor. Or say something about how there’s more ‘gender neutral’ clothing/lack of it/too many trucks on baby suits etc.

4. When are you due? Oh it’s an Easter/Summer/Autumn/Christmas baby!

If I had a pound for EVERY time someone said – ‘OH A CHRISTMAS BABY!’ I would be able to buy a lot of Christmas presents. I think this is a hard one as people have to say something and what CAN they say that’s original  (and inoffensive at the same time?)

So okay I’ll let the Christmas comments slide.

5. You better enjoy this quiet time while you can

This is a bit like number 2- the objective is to make you feel shitty about what’s to come. So suddenly you get a panic on because perhaps you aren’t enjoying this QUIET TIME and then worrying about just how noisy and sleep deprived it’s going to be. The thing is there’s NOTHING you can do about the fact that there’s a baby on the way. And it’s also never a good idea to tell someone to ‘enjoy themselves’- it’s like the guy leaning out of a lorry who shouts – CHEER UP LOVE IT MIGHT NEVER HAPPEN. You’re either having a good day or not. The fact that there’s a baby coming soon doesn’t come into it.

So what CAN you say to pregnant women you say?

Well here’s a couple of goodies (and I personally love it when people say these). ‘You look beautiful’ (even if you don’t mean it. ‘How exciting!’ (even if you know the reality and let’s face it if you’re having a second child you know this too). Or even just ‘Do you fancy a nice cup of tea?’

Not too hard hey?

Anniki Sommerville

I'm Super Editor here at SelfishMother.com and love reading all your fantastic posts and mulling over all the complexities of modern parenting. We have a fantastic and supportive community of writers here and I've learnt just how transformative and therapeutic writing can me. If you've had a bad day then write about it. If you've had a good day- do the same! You'll feel better just airing your thoughts and realising that no one has a master plan. I'm Mum to a daughter who's 3 and my passions are writing, reading and doing yoga (I love saying that but to be honest I'm no yogi).

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