5 Ways To Turn Christmas from HARRUMPH into HOORAH!

Anniki Sommerville - 14 Dec 17

The mornings are dark and cold. The days are short but we need to cram in as much as possible to achieve the PERFECT Christmas. The Sunday supplements are bulging with recipes for the big day itself, and then there are the endless gift guides with flat-lay photos of expensive gifts which often feel completely superfluous to our everyday needs. Then there’s the school stuff- the nativity outfit, the gifts and collections for teachers, the headache around the protocol of buying cards, and the worry that you’ve never quite done enough.

It doesn’t feel like there’s a hell of a lot of pleasure to be had.

‘I had to get a present for my daughter’s piano teacher and I don’t even like them.’

‘I’m spending more money than I can afford. ‘

‘I’ve made a Google spreadsheet and we’re divvying it all up.’

‘I’m going away and pretending it’s not happening.’

Christmas has become a long to-do list and it’s hard to enjoy any of it. We all have a desire to make things easier, dare I say it fun. So here’s 5 Tips on how to do that.

1. Be mindful of your spending

There is nothing worse than worrying about money on top of everything else. This may sound stingy  but we’ve basically said that we’ll only spend 10 quid on any adult in the family this year. This is a bit of a challenge as it’s tough finding anything that’s 10 quid these days. But books are good. It’s not unusual for everyone in the house to get a book. The Google doc idea that my friend uses is a good one but you have to have a family that understands technology (and not mind presents no longer being a surprise because everyone knows what they’re getting already.)

2. Don’t give in to the crazy pressure

This is easier said than done. We all get inundated with ads for things and it’s hard not to bow down to pressure.  Sometimes I find myself in a big department store, and I see hundreds of people laden down with bags and I panic- HAVE I GOT THIS WHOLE CHRISTMAS THING WRONG? IS IT ACTUALLY ABOUT BUYING AS MUCH STUFF AS I CAN? Then I breathe, and try and remind myself what all the good Christmas films tell us- it’s not about STUFF. If you want you can even chant this mantra as you shop – IT’S NOT ABOUT STUFF if it helps. Equally when you speak to other parents and they talk about the amazing things they’re buying to make their Christmas extra-special then just nod and then ram your fingers in your ears. We all know that it’s not about massive amounts of consumption but we seem to forget and panic-buy at the last minute. This is true of kids too- in the old days we got nowhere near as many presents as today so don’t feel you have to succumb to the ‘more is more’ mentality. This is trickier than it sounds but if you haven’t got much money to spend in the first place then it makes it a lot easier.

3. Christmases of the past were also quite depressing

We all have warm, nostalgic feelings about our childhood Christmases, but we tend to apply a nice filter to our lives back then. The reality was that there was a lot of fighting and discord and disappointment but we instead see these snapshots of opening crackers and laughing like drains with Christmas Top of The Pops playing in the background. Christmas can be a sad time if you’ve lost someone or are grieving. It’s ridiculous that we expect ourselves to feel infused with joy on this one particular day. How about just lowering expectations – kids happy with presents- WELL DONE. Meal edible-WELL DONE. Heating working- YES VERY GOOD. That’s enough.

4. Try opting out when feeling stressed 

So as women we tend to take on a lot of the emotional labour (and moan about that quite a lot too). Did I pack the white leggings for the show? Did I volunteer for the Christmas cake stand? Did I get a card for x and y and z? On Christmas day, how about stopping and sitting on the sofa. See if you can sit there for half an hour without moving. Or even more radical, how about running yourself a hot, bath in the middle of the day and listening to the Queens Speech IN THE BATH? How about that? Sounds good yes?

5. It’s okay not to enjoy it. It’s fine. 

A lot of unhappiness comes from having big expectations of something and WANTING to feel a certain way and it’s not happening. So New Year’s Eve, there’s the pressure to be guffawing up at the heavens, and wearing some sort of sequinned number that you’ll only ever wear once because it’s actually pretty awful, but the thing is NYE is terrible, and there’s nothing better than staying in bed rather than freezing your arse off watching fireworks. And just because it’s Christmas, it doesn’t mean that normal family life disappears and we’re all high as kites. The fighting, the tiredness, the resentments- all that stuff is still there and always will be. Don’t feel bad.

Christmas is about love and kids think it’s fun. It’s not about proving something. When your kids grow up, they won’t tell their friends about how you made Brussel sprouts straight out of a Sunday supplement. They won’t go on about how you bought a card for the piano teacher’s niece.

But they might just tell their friends how you took yourself off for a bath during the Queens Speech and isn’t that pretty cool?

Anniki Sommerville

I'm Super Editor here at SelfishMother.com and love reading all your fantastic posts and mulling over all the complexities of modern parenting. We have a fantastic and supportive community of writers here and I've learnt just how transformative and therapeutic writing can me. If you've had a bad day then write about it. If you've had a good day- do the same! You'll feel better just airing your thoughts and realising that no one has a master plan. I'm Mum to a daughter who's 3 and my passions are writing, reading and doing yoga (I love saying that but to be honest I'm no yogi).

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