9 Period Problems

Claire Kirby - 26 Jul 19

I got my first period when I was 11 years old and have been regular as clockwork ever since. Having a best friend who was a year older than me meant I couldn’t wait to start. It was like an exclusive club that I wanted to be a member of so bad.  Of course as soon as I became a member I realised it’s a really crap club, and I wanted out.  Period problems are real.

1 The Blood

For anyone who does suffer from heavy periods (and that’s one in five, so chances are you know someone who does) it is incredibly debilitating and quite frankly gross.

A day out requires a handbag stuffed full of sanitary products and spare period pants.  The really old and grey ones because chances are they are going to end up in the bin anywhere.  Leaking is a daily occurrence.  As is checking the seat and the back of your clothes when you stand up.

2 The Hormones

PMT sucks!  I have one day every cycle when I am mad at the world and everyone in it.  I don’t want to be in anyone’s company.  being honest, I don’t want to be in my own company either.  I’m horrible.  I have no patience, I shout at the kids, my husband can do no right.  And what makes it worse is the knowing that you are being completely irrational, yet you can’t to a thing about it.

Then comes day two when my anger turns to sadness and I cry at everything. Adverts make me cry, the fact I shouted at my kids the day before makes me cry, not finding the right shade of cream paint in B&Q makes me cry.  I might as well shove Beaches on and and belt out my best Wind Beneath My Wings rendition and be done with it.

3 The Timings

Birthdays, Christmases, holidays, girls night out, romantic get away with the husband.  Hello Aunt Flo!

4 Attitudes

When I was 12 my Mum took me to the doctors to see if they could do anything about the horrendous period pains I was experiencing.  They couldn’t.  It was in my (male) doctors opinion “something I had to put up with as a woman”. Sadly attitudes haven’t changed that much.

An article published in The Independent last month revealed that period pains can be as painful as having a heart attack, yet men complaining of abdominal pain are treated quicker then women.  Is it any wonder I want done with periods when they just aren’t taken seriously.

5 Tax

Sanitary items are not a luxury item.  Period.  And if you think shoving in a tampon and wincing in pain is a luxury, then you are probably not a woman and have therefore never had a period, which means you have no right to an opinion on the matter. Especially if you are an idiot.

They walk among us people!

6 The Cravings

Forget pregnancy cravings.  Period cravings are full on.  I normally have a day where I want all of the carbs, followed by a day when I would kill for chocolate.  The chocolate day normally coincides with my tearful day, so yes, I have cried over chocolate.  Several times.

7 Dogs

Yes dogs are a reason that I hate my period.  It’s pretty humiliating going round someone’s house and have their dog constantly sniffing your crutch because he smells your period! #embarassing

8 Clothes

Skirts, dresses and light colours are a strict no when it comes to periods. Likewise I can’t wear my really big spanx (you know the knee to neck kind of ones) because I can’t use a sanitary towel with them.  And I need my really big spanx because I am so bloated from all the carbs and chocolate.

9 Advertisements For Sanitary Products

Adverts of gorgeous girls in skimpy shorts on roller skates whilst ‘enjoying’ their period make me want to punch the TV. Where is her monthly spot breakout?  Why isn’t she curled up on the sofa in her oldest PJ’s watching Beaches with a box of tissues and a king size bar of Galaxy, whilst ugly crying?  Get real people.

Claire Kirby

I’m Claire, I’m in my mid thirties (37 still counts as mid, right?). My claim to fame is that I once spoke to Phillip Schoefield on a Going Live phone in. I know, awesome. I live with three boys; The Husband, The Big One (6) who never ever stops talking, and The Little One (2) who never ever stands still. We live in a Lego house. We don’t really, but we have so much off the stuff I could probably build one. My blog is mainly about the amusing side of parenting, and life with small people. If you’ve ever been wedged in the rollers at soft play, or forgotten the change bag the day your kid projectiles, you my friend are not alone. Like anything in life, this blog is best enjoyed with tea and chocolate.

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