A letter to my husband’s affair partner

Ali B - 9 Aug 19

In many ways, I wish you had been someone I didn’t call a friend. Someone who I hadn’t entrusted the care of my children to when my childcare dropped out. Someone who hadn’t been invited into my home time and time again. Someone who hadn’t sat across my dinner table from me and looked me in the eyes when you knew what was going on in the privacy of your phones and your home when your partner was away. Someone who hadn’t gone upstairs in my house at my son’s 2nd birthday party and fucked my husband while I was downstairs with our families, while our children ran around the house playing. I think that honestly would have made the unbearable pain and betrayal just that tiny bit easier to cope with, if you were just a woman from work or a stranger he met on a night out.

Your actions, your disregard for my feelings, my love, my life and my children have broken me in ways I didn’t know possible. It takes a very specific kind of person to be able to do the things you’ve done, not only to me and my children, but to your partner and your children. You put yourself, your wants before your own children, you broke two families for some below average sexual encounters. If there had been love there I actually think that would have been easier because then there would have been a point to all this pain and destruction. I know you’ve tried to justify it in all kinds of ways, but you can’t change the person you are at your core. And if you’re capable of those things you did, your core is rotten. You are weak, and insecure, and honestly, I feel nothing but sorry for you. So consumed with how you look and how you’re perceived and now I see it’s because you’re trying to hide what’s beneath. You sacrificed your integrity for an ego boost. I hope it was worth it, I hope your opinion of yourself is of higher value to you than the opinion of everyone else who knows what you’ve done.

In the 6 months since everything came to light I have learned so much more about the kind of person I am. I always knew I was strong but the strength I have found in the darkest of times has been phenomenal. I have been beyond understanding and fair to my husband who frankly doesn’t deserve anything from me. Wherever I have been able I have tried to turn a negative into a positive. I left my job for more money and got a huge pay rise, I have really prioritised myself and my own wellbeing for the first time since I had my children, they’re still number 1 of course, but I let myself get close to that more than I ever did before. I take trips away, I see friends, I take time out when I’m struggling, and I’m a better mother because of it. I have you to thank for these positives.

I still talk to your partner, and I know he’ll never be yours again, I can see his respect for you is forever lost. You can paint a pretty picture but I know inside your life is broken. But I don’t feel sorry for you because you chose this, the same way my husband chose it. And you’ll both regret it for the rest of your lives. I’m devastated that my life as I knew it and everything I had hoped for it and for my children was taken away from me by two people I trusted. But I won’t feel like this forever. I think you probably will.

Sometimes I think I could stay with him as a fuck you to you. Because in your selfishness and weakness I found my deepest strength and any outcome is within my power if it’s what I want. Truth be told I still haven’t decided which path to take, but I know one thing: I will be happy again because I am a good person who deserves to be happy, loved and respected. Can you say the same?

Ali B

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