A MILESTONE FOR THEM… AND US

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So I’ve settled my fully name-tagged eldest into ‘big school’, done the obligatory first-day pic on Facebook, upped my youngest’s nursery sessions to 20 hours a week and wept my way through the whole heart-churning experience.

But what now?

What does a stay-at-home mum like me – who has spent the past four (rewarding but exhausting) years praying for this moment to come – actually do with her newfound freedom?

Well, this I know for sure: I’m not going to twiddle my thumbs until pick-up-time, feeling at a loss without my two boys – this stopped on day two; I’m not going to channel my inner domestic goddess (should she even exist) and start making wholesome pies; I’m not going to waste valuable minutes scrubbing my grimy floors and perfecting my polishing, and I’m not going to sort through the endless crap in the loft or the shockingly high heaps of paperwork.

No, I’m going to focus solely on me for a change. Because having been so wrapped up in my children’s lives has made me forget about my own. Two pregnancies and the often arduous task of 24/7 mothering have taken their toll; I look and feel like a total mess. It’s as if my pre-babies self – ambitious, confident, spontaneous, full of energy and (relatively) stylish – went into hiding when bambino one came along.

But, as I’m now able to concentrate on yours truly a bit more, I’m hoping that the old me will resurface. The old me that used to work in a fast-paced job, take care of her appearance and have… interests! I aim to use this precious time alone to simply sort myself out – both inside and out.

I want to free up my head space. I want to wander around my home without being struck on the head by a flying Finn Mcmissile, or being asked to wipe a small bottom or remove a pea from some naughty rascal’s nostril. I want to get fit and discover my waistline before I hit 40. I want to know what’s sartorially hot right now, not which night pants are less likely to leak…

I just want to be me again.

So, since term began, I’ve been for jogs and gone on fresh-air-gulping walks. I’ve watched the world go by in cafés, enjoyed a lazy lunch with friends, booked a midday hair appointment, soaked in a daytime bath and sat through an entire episode of This Morning while gorging on tea-dunked biscuits. And most importantly, I’ve been thinking up career plans in order to help pay the bills and to boost my incredibly low self-esteem.

Ok, I’ve still got a long way to go until I get back to how I was before kids – and those under-eye bags from sleep starvation look set to stay – but at least I’m far more happier than I have been and excited about the future.

After all, starting school may be a big milestone for our little mites, but it’s also a huge one for us, right?

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Fiona Pennell lives in the Cotswolds with her husband and their two boys, Jack, 6, and Otto, 4. A former YOU magazine sub-editor, Fiona now spends her days being trampled on, going on slug hunts and dreaming of lie-ins. (Twitter: @fiona_pennell)

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