Breast cancer gave me a new confidence

Jo Thorpe - 15 May 17

I’ll never forget the cocktail of emotions I felt in those first few weeks after diagnosis; anger, pain, disbelief and embarrassment.  It felt like somehow my body had failed me.  I was 43 years old and had been diagnosed with stage 3 locally advanced breast cancer.  And as I’m not the kind of person to publicly label myself a fighter, for me it was something to hide and come to terms with in private.

My daughter P was only 18 months and I so desperately didn’t want to be ‘that’ mum, the one with the cancer. I became fiercely private about my ‘turmoil’; there were many friends I didn’t tell, who only found out when they saw a rare picture of me on social media with my head shaved, post chemo.

Deep down I was broken. Seven months after my diagnosis in June 2014 I had a mastectomy after a long and exhausting course of chemotherapy. There were days the tears would silently slip down my cheeks as I gave P her lunch.  She was blissfully unaware and I cried even more because I wanted everything to be how it had been.

At one stage during chemo, whilst walking outside, the wind blew and I’d feel my hair falling out.  At my regular yoga class I spotted clumps of hair across my mat.  Silently I’d tuck them underneath.

It’s strange what your mind turns to on the darkest of days; what I needed was some hope to cling to in a future I was struggling to envisage.  The reality was I’d been unhappy for a long time in my career and I was desperate to make a positive change.

The thing is, there is no ‘money fairy’ who appears when you’re diagnosed with cancer. Unless you work for a company and get sick pay, you have to fit work around the relentless doctors appointments.  I’d been a mosaic artist all my life and while I was passionately creative, the rollercoaster of searching for commissions and pleasing buyers was exhausting.  Financially it was up and down and whilst I had teaching to fall back on, what I needed more than ever was security.

I swore to myself that if I survived I was going to change my working life. It might seem like a random thing to focus on, but it gave me hope that there was a new Jo emerging.

Inevitably sleep was often hard to come by, so I’d often scroll through my phone in bed which is where I read about Digital Mums.  They train mums to be social media managers so they can work flexibly from home, and as I read about mums’ like Kate and Sarah, I realised that maybe I could be one of those mums too.  I could still do mosaics but I could also retrain and become a social media manager too.

Suddenly having something to focus on made such a difference;  I was determined that my negative situation would yield a positive change.  By February 2016 my treatment was done and I was signed up to the Social Media Management Course.  I was so nervous as I had no experience at all in marketing – let alone digital marketing –  but I was dogged in my determination to succeed.  

I’m not going to pretend it was easy, but I worked hard and was energised by how much I was learning. As part of the training you set up a campaign in your local area and I decided that mine was going to be a focus on fantastic family activities: East London with Kids

And I did it; I graduated the course! My campaign was even shortlisted for an award! And it’s just been good news since then: Airbnb got in touch after seeing my Instagram feed and asked me to write a guide for them on Kids Activities. Me! Turns out I love writing – who knew?! Since then I’ve secured three regular social media clients, one of which,an estate agent, headhunted me after they saw what I was doing for another business.  And I still do my mosaic work but I’m not financially reliant on it anymore.

So, post breast cancer Jo is a very different woman. I’m a survivor and proud of it, but I am also imbued with confidence I never knew I had.  My new career has been instrumental in that.

I don’t shy away from my cancer anymore, it’s part of who I am and I can’t change that.  Of course every day I mourn for the person I was before – easy going, ever so slightly reckless, always up for fun. My cancer took a lot from me, but it’s also left a legacy; a drive that I never had before.

A day doesn’t go by that I don’t wish this hadn’t happened to me.  I certainly think about dying more than the average person.  When you come close to the edge, it’s hard to ever step back permanently. But I am thankful every day for this new confident Jo, the one who set up a business and believes in herself.  The one who is still here for P and making the best of every day.

By Jo Thorpe Founder of East London with Kids.

Check out Digital Mums courses:  www.digitalmums.com

Jo Thorpe

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