Class of 2013

Louise McCourt - 3 Aug 17

Before I had children I remember listening in fascination to friends explaining what it was like to go to back to school, this time as a parent. A couple of years later I had a child and before long it was my turn. For any school mum newbies (and dads of course, but I’m writing from my own experiences) this is for you…

When my daughter first started school, I remember homing in on anyone who smiled at me or made any friendly gesture towards my child. I accepted every offer to meet up and swapped phone numbers galore, all in an effort to make new mum friends. There was nothing wrong with that of course, but trying to make friends with everyone got quite exhausting after a while.

At the same time a friend of mine’s daughter was starting at another local school. I told her what I had been doing, but she had different ideas. She wasn’t going to rush to make mum pals in those early weeks, instead her approach was to take a step back, take it all in and let friendships develop in their own time.

Two different tactics, but the same end result. Whilst our kids found their like minded friends, so did we. Looking back now though her way seemed a lot less stressful; after all what’s the old saying, fools rush in? I’ll give you an example of how that might have been true for me. On the first day of school I went for coffee with several mums after drop off, all of us in full bonding mode. A few weeks later we met up one evening at the pub. As I stood chatting to one of these mums, I realised something wasn’t quite right. She was scanning the room quite obviously looking for someone else and the next minute (with me mid sentence) she just walked off! Some time after that night I found out it wasn’t just me she had done this sort of thing to. By then I had moved on and made some fab school mum friends that I was clearly more compatible with.

Moving on to your little ones and their new friendships. There are several things they may say in that first year (and beyond!) that will be upsetting. Some examples include, I had no one to play with today, ‘so and so’ said they don’t want to be friends with me any more, I wish I went to a different school. Please be assured you’re not alone in hearing this stuff. Take my word or talk to friends with older kids. Firstly them saying they didn’t have anyone to play with may have actually been five minutes out of a whole playtime (and if it was for longer, it’s likely to be a one off). Kids break and make friends a lot, especially when they are really young but they also seem to quickly forget why and the next day greet each other at the gates like long lost friends. And of course they think the grass is greener, even at this young age, you just need to gently remind them that it really isn’t!

So as September approaches try not to fret about this latest transition. Your children will find their friends (you can have as many play dates as a week allows, but they will most likely migrate back to a chosen few). And as the years roll on, their friendships will change or expand as they develop new interests.

As for us mums (and dads), through lunches, socials or a coincidental meet up outside school you will find some lovely friends during that first school year and beyond.

My second child is starting pre school next year. Although I think my first instincts were right for the most part, I will attempt to relax into it a bit more, remember what I learnt first time round that you’re not necessarily going to connect with everyone, but most importantly make sure my son and I are just being ourselves.

Louise McCourt

Mummy of two and freelance writer. My words have made people laugh, cry and be inspired - it doesn't get much better than that.

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