Confessions of a Reluctant Party Animal

Liz Clarke - 16 Mar 15

This year my four year old has been party-tastic. Parties virtually every weekend and frequently more than one! But it’s exhausting – she is knackered and I am KNACKERED!

It’s lovely to see her invited to lots of parties, after all, what parent (actually, probably just the Mums) doesn’t worry about whether or not their child is making friends as they make their way in Reception Year.

The downside (for me) is having to conquer my almost phobic fear of taking her to the parties…. and having to stay! Another Mum I am getting to know a little better knows exactly where I’m coming from on this. I honestly can’t wait until I can drop and run without feeling like I’m abandoning her.

What’s my problem? It’s not just that I want a couple of hours coveted time out on a weekend. It’s all about my levels of sociability and I’m sure, purely in my own head… At school, I was never ‘in’ with the cool kids.

Mostly it didn’t bother me but sometimes it did. Now I’m back in the playground (admittedly only for about 3 minutes when, running late, I dash in, drop and run) those feelings of not quite feeling ‘part’ of it are back.

It’s not like the other mums aren’t friendly… they are, I just have never been good at small talk. I don’t know HOW to do small talk. Is it compulsory to talk about the children? Is it nosey to ask them questions about themselves as, actually, I barely even know their names?

And then of course, they ask me questions.. That’s almost worse because I REALLY hate talking about myself. (Yes, OK, I blog a bit, but mostly I blog to make sense of what’s rattling around in my own head!). In person, I don’t feel I have that much in the way of scintillating conversation.

I’m not really a ‘natural mother’ – motherhood is something I struggle with every day as much as I love my kids (but that’s for another post) and there’s a clear taboo around actually telling people that. So that’s that subject off limits, I’m not really up for hearing how wonderful they find parenting as it just makes me feel even more inadequate.

I work full time and as much as I love my job and gain huge satisfaction from it, it’s not an exciting job so there’s not much to say about it to others.

I could moan about the fact that my husband commutes from the South coast to London every day which leaves me feeling like a lone parent Monday to Friday… but that’s not very interesting either. And a little unfair on him as he does it for our benefit!

The only thing I could possibly have to talk about is my running and triathlon training… but that’s only really of interest to others who do it too….

Making friends as an adult is just so bloody hard.. FACT! It involves taking risks and letting people get close… In the last year I’ve learnt that even close friends can’t always be trusted so why the heck would I let strangers in?

Of course the situation is absolutely not helped by the fact that full time work means I only do drop off which is when everyone’s in a hurry to get somewhere else. My childminder does pick up and, almost certainly, knows the other mums WAAAY better than I do. She gets to have the leisurely walk home with the other mums and their offspring which is infinitely more conducive to getting to know people in a no pressure kind of way.

So, in a bid to ensure my first born develops better social skills than me (I’m honestly very sociable I just really struggle in situations where I don’t know people and they obviously know each other!) I’m taking a deep breath and attempting to Man The F**k Up and deal with it!

If only these soft play centres served decent wine!

Wish me luck…

I’d love to hear what social situations fill you with dread and how you deal with them. Or if you have any tips for parties… I’m all ears.

Motherhood is different for all of us… if you’d like to share your thoughts, why not join our Network & start posting?

Liz Clarke

Mum to two gorgeous girls aged 4 and 1 and, in no particular order, a former figure skater, runner, wannabe triathlete, wannabe blogger, employee and wife. Just trying to keep all the plates spinning as best as I can!

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