Confessions of a Selfish Mother

Amberreto86 - 28 Sep 16

I am a selfish mother and I am not ashamed to admit it! I confess to you now that all those things I say I do for my son’s own good are lies.

…Ok, so I’m being a little over dramatic, they are not lies; in everyway my son’s own good is the driving factor in all my choices but that isn’t to say that my own good isn’t as well

Let’s consider a few…

1) “I chose to exclusively breastfeed for the first 6 months as it is best for Ted’s health.”
Totally true and I consider myself lucky to have been able to do this. However, the selfish mother in me is so thankful for not having to make bottles and transport them places. We have had 6 easy months of just chucking a few muslin cloths and nappies in a bag knowing that feeding Ted is as simple as unclipping my bra! I can’t stand sitting around the house so this has allowed me so much more freedom. I will definitely miss this simplicity!

2) “I am waiting to wean until 6 months because of the health benefits.”
As above, totally true but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that part of me doesn’t want to wean Ted. I love feeding him! I love our cuddles and love the knowledge that only I can give him what he needs. I know I’m not stopping feeding but it won’t be the same. Ted is a greedy sod and I know he will take to food and drop his feeds all too quickly! So, yes, my selfishness is making me hold off as long as I can.

3) “It’s safest for him to sleep in our room till 6 months.”
Again, true. But will he be evicted at 6 months…no! Here comes the selfishness again, I am not ready. Ted probably is, he sleeps through most nights and is becoming great at self settling, but I need him near me still. I will go mad with silly worries if he moves to his room. I see that move as admitting I no longer have a newborn and I’m just not ready to come to terms with that just yet!

4) “Returning to teaching full time will be better for family life.”

I still think this is true, with most work done in school I’ll be free to be Mummy at home. However, I have to admit, I miss my job! I adore my baby and I don’t want to wish my maternity leave away but I miss using my brain, I miss being creative and I miss my schedule! I am also, selfishly, not ready to give up on my career just yet. So, yes, full time will be better for Ted but it will also allow me to still be me!

There you have it, proof that I am selfish. But you know what, it’s ok! I love my son more that anything in the world and if he benefits from my selfish choices, I’m perfectly ok with that. After all, a happy mum = happy baby.

Amberreto86

New mum, teacher and lover of all things books and tea related. Currently trying to navigate the new world of babies and maternity leave!

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