Harper is only a year old and I’m already considering what her options could be in the forms of education. All I know right now is that I want her to love learning, adore reading and have any career she sets her mind to. Half of me feels that she’s so young to be thinking about these things but then time goes so fast it’s all I can think about.

Currently I want to home school her when she reaches primary school age and want to find her an outdoors nursery for when we move next year but other than that I’m not really sure where to go in regards to her education. I want her to socialise with other children because I know how much interaction with other children is important * I’m aware how being a mother with social anxiety who barely interacts with people myself makes it a problem and me a hypocrite but I’m trying* It all really boils down to my own feelings about school and how I felt going through school.

I think a lot about what her learning style will be like. It’s something I’m already beginning to grasp she’s a visual learner, I worry if she’ll be able to cope in a class room with 20 to 30 other children or if she’ll get lost in all the people and crumble. I remember being at school finding it incredibly hard to really engage with the lesson when there was noise going on around me. Will she be able to work in a big group?or will she feel better being in a small group to learn? These aren’t options she’s likely to be given in school.

The other worry I have about school for her is the fact that funding is being cut left, right and center meaning teachers are being pushed to their limits and as a result some children can suffer as an effect. I’m not blaming teachers because as far as I’m concerned anyone who can cope with 30 or so children by themselves is a complete and utter legend. It takes a special kind of person to be a teacher but without funding and resources. They’re struggling. I also to be completely honest feel some of the things taught need to be either expanded or changed to help people when they leave school and face the real world. When I left school I knew nothing about taxes or budgeting to be honest I didn’t have the foggiest about most things, I feel schools need to cover mental health, sexual health the world is growing and facing so many more young people suffering with mental health and so many sexually transmitted diseases they need to be educated on a wider scale.

I already worry about if she’ll suffer with mental health issues due to the pressures that can be associated with schools and not just the learning, the people will she fall into a group who she thinks are her friends but are slagging her off constantly behind her back? Will she be popular and have to worry about the stresses of having the new latest thing to stay popular? Or will my anxiety  from her early days rub off and make her withdrawn? I worry that her mental health could take a spike in order to receive a piece of cardboard saying she has 100% attendance or will it go the opposite way that she never receives one of those coveted *Yet utterly ridiculous* pieces of cardboard.

It’s such a hard decision already there’s that part that thinks well send her to school she might thrive and if she doesn’t there’s the option of home schooling, then it’s taking her away from friends she might of made making her feel isolated. It’s so difficult and I already hate the conflicting thoughts.

The problem is with experience sometimes comes fear, worry and wonderment but will she pick up on that? Will it be my fears stopping this kid from thriving? I’m a firm believer that all kids are resilient but kids grow up and the resilience fades. I’m also a firm believer in my child that she’s an absolute legend of a tiny human, she’s takes everything in her stride expect lack of sleep.

Do I need to educate my self on this subject more? Totally I’m not an expert just a mum who tends to have thoughts years before they are needed. Do I need to take a trip to every nursery and school before making an informed decision? Of course.

For now though life is all about watching my kid grow. We spend so much time worrying about the future without really living in the now. So until I have to think about school, i’m just going to spend my time winging it with Harper.