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Diary of a Threenager: Road Trip
Mummy has been referring to this thing called ’The Road Trip’ all week. It is now, apparently, the night before the road trip and I’m beginning to wonder if it is worth all the bother. Mummy has been running around in a flap since Monday, washing loads, changing bed sheets and generally not playing with me at all. It better be the most wonderful thing ever or, quite frankly, I will have something to say about it.
Friday
8am
More flapping, although it’s Daddy this time, Mummy seems all smug sitting on her suitcase and telling him
9.30
Well ’The Road Trip’ seems disappointing so far. They loaded us all into the car, checking off some invisible list about passports and tickets and things and then Mummy started taking photos. We had to smile
11am
Ok so it actually means sit in the car for a really REALLY long time. S keeps asking if we are nearly there yet, she has a point, and Mummy and Daddy just laugh loudly, I really don’t think it it’s very funny. Did I miss a
1pm
We have now reached somewhere called ’The Tunnel’ everyone seems very excited about this, but Daddy just took me for a wee and it really seemed the same as all the other boring service stations. He bought me some lunch but then we had to go back to the car again where he drove us to a long line of other cars and shut off the engine. Mummy still keeps talking about going into a tunnel but all I know is that I’m hot, uncomfortable and I’m not even allowed to sit in the front because ’we might move again in any second’.
1.30
Still in the line, still hot, going to scream.
1.31pm
I’m screaming really loudly now, and they are totally completely ignoring me.
1.45pm
We moved… a little bit… Mummy getting all excited again about going into a tunnel… then we stopped, and I still don’t see any tunnels and I’m super-hot and cross. Mummy is fanning the dog… yes… the dog. They are deliberately ignoring the fact that I AM HOT and just giving the dog all the attention. I pointed this out to them and Mummy simply asked how would I feel if I was wearing a fur
2.10 pm
So, we are inside a tunnel. Seriously Mummy has GOT to stop getting all excited about things. The tunnel she kept talking about is literally like a traffic jam inside a tube… we drove in… we stopped and now I am hot, sitting inside a tube, surrounded by other cars. At least I get to sit at the front now… And it is quite fun to beep the horn loudly. Daddy keeps shouting at me but it’s worth seeing all the people in
2.20 pm
Still in the tunnel and now it’s moving and it’s dark outside. S tried to climb over the seat to sit with me but because of her bionic leg she didn’t manage it and landed on me so I shouted at her. So, then Daddy shouted at her. Mummy just hid behind the dog (whilst fanning it) and told to stop acting like English peasants. I told her that we are English peasants why would we act differently? I think she is trying to act like she belongs on the other side of the tunnel…
3pm
We are now in France. Everyone has a
4pm
The happiness didn’t last… My sister was supposed take her next travel pill but said she didn’t want it. I watched Mummy hide it in one of the sweets instead and then fed it to her. Of course, I felt the need to tell S
4.02pm
Apparently, that wasn’t the thing to do….
4.04pm
Mummy has taken me into the shop for a snack to try and distract me from the lake, I tried to tell her I wouldn’t have drowned but she went all red in the face and said something about needing a holiday to get over this one. Very confusing, I thought we were on holiday?
4.07pm
I chose the most expensive snack in the shop, not really because I wanted it, just because I was mad at mummy for removing me from
4.34pm
Need a wee…. I realise we only just stopped but I didn’t need it then…
4.35pm
Well back in the car AGAIN. Did a wee but now I need a poo. I
5pm
Ahh that’s better. I held it all the way, but I have just realised that telling them I need the loo gets me out of the car. I see a plan forming.
5.05pm
I told them I need the loo again. Daddy said something very, very rude.
5.30pm
We stopped again. Of course, I didn’t need to go, not
6pm
I’m hungry
I’m hungry
I’m hungry
I’m hungry
I’m hungry
6.45pm
Well they have filled me with croissants and put me in my pyjamas. I think they want me to go to sleep…
Hahahahahahahahahaha
7 pm
Eye spy… I love it! The parentals don’t seem so keen… what’s not to love?!
8pm
Still playing… I think I’m winning….
9pm
I am winning… Mummy
10pm
It’s dark and S is sleeping. I thought it would be nice to sing her a lullaby so I put on my loudest singing voice and sang ’ We are going on holiday’. Not sure what made Mummy so cross…
Midnight
Well I managed to sleep for a bit but seriously, have you tried sleeping in my car seat? So, I’m awake again and it’s dark so I can’t even see the view. It is so boring… Daddy has put that white noise thing on his phone that they used to
1am
I just saw 7 piglets crossing the road. Apparently, we are nearly there, wherever ’there’ is. I think they are taking me to a farm. Do they not know there are farms back in the Cotswolds, like hundreds of them… why the hell do I need to spend a whole day in a car just to go to a farm?!?!
1.30 am
We are here!!!!! Mummy creeping around making up beds and using that quiet bedtime voice… saying its bedtime and we can explore in the morning… as IF! S and I are