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Diary Of A Threenager: The Hike
1pm
The parentals have resorted to a nature trail. I feel this is probably due to the fact they have spent a tonne of money on fancy meals and days out and yet keep complaining about me and S ’continually arguing’. Well, we are siblings, what do they expect. So, if they can’t stop whining at us it must be better to do it away from other human beings who have to listen to it.
We were packed into the car, mummy throwing things into a backpack and Daddy laughing at her for being paranoid, bandages, waspeze, ’enough snacks to feed
1.10
So surely the idea of a nature trail is to LOOK AT NATURE? We moved away from the car and along a dirt track which seems to wind its way through dense forest, so I started looking at nature, as they told me to. I found an
1.15
I found twenty more acorns!!!!! Wooohoooooo
1.20
I fell over. Apparently trying to carry all those acorns in the hem of your dress is never going to work so I tripped on a root and hurt my knee. It’s bleeding, but Mummy doesn’t have plasters, she has everything needed if one of us break our
1.22
More acorns
1.24
More acorns
1.25
I fell over again. Daddy is just walking on. I know you can’t see any blood this time but if we sit here for a few minutes I’m really sure I could squeeze a few drops out.
1.26
Ok, maybe not.
1.27
We have stopped for a snack, Mummy told us that ’you don’t need snacks we are still only 100 meters from
1.28
Apparently, there is no signal for checking the football in the wilderness, Daddy seems in a bad mood now.
1.30
So, we are walking on. I have found a big patch of berries, the types only intended for birds and would make me very sick if I ate them, doesn’t stop me squishing them with my brand-new
1.31
White trainers are now pink, result!!!
1.32
Too busy looking at lovely pink trainers, fell over again. Daddy now talking about the backpack again, ’why couldn’t you just pack plasters’ ’well you would be grateful if one of them broke their leg’. Then he suggested we should just head back to the car.
1.33
S and I both crying. She started it, saying she wanted to stay longer, she was having fun, thought it sounded interesting so tried my hand at it. I told them I hadn’t seen enough nature.
1.34
Wow your voice
1.35
Crying worked. Walking on.
1.45
Man, I am really tired, whose bright idea was it to keep walking? My legs hurt, my back hurts, my knees hurt, my back hurts, my knees hurt, oh wait I said that already didn’t I?
1.46
They are making us walk back to the car. S is crying, she says that it was too much of them to ask her to go on such a long walk when her leg is only just healing. Daddy DID point out that she was the one who wanted to walk further so I made
1.47
Daddy caved, S is now on his back as happy as a pig in…. she is pointing out all the butterflies in the trees, I can’t see the butterflies in the trees, no one is lifting me up.
1.49
Yes! I’m on Mum’s back! She is sweating, I’m not sure I have ever seen her sweat before, it’s funny. She doesn’t seem to find it quite so amusing.
1.50
I need the loo
1.51
Still
1.52
Still need the loo
1.53
Mummy is holding my hands and getting me to squat in the bushes, this is so undignified, and how am I meant to pee with them all staring at me.
1.54
Still can’t pee
1.55
So, we started walking again and Mummy told me off for wasting time, I wasn’t wasting time and I still need a pee.
1.56
I went for a pee, but I told Mummy I could do it myself and I did but then I lost my footing and I fell backwards and my bum landed in the nettles, bloody nettles. I’m all itchy now and Mum has
2pm
Back at the car. I think a fairly successful hike, Mum and Dad must think so too, they say they are going to stop at the supermarket for more wine, must be in celebration?