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Fashion in the Time of Lockdown

1
This time last year if I’d gone to my local Italian for tea with the kids; I might’ve worn jeans. Possibly with a heeled boot but more likely; with scruffy Converse. Because I have always had some level of self-respect and personal vanity; I would’ve undoubtedly dry-shampoo’d my barnet and slung on an animal print T-shirt. 

But take October 2020, before lockdown 2.0, and the casual observer watching me enter the local Italian would be forgiven for thinking I was on a really high-stakes Tinder date. One where my overarching objective was to get

SelfishMother.com
2
laid.

However the observer would then clock the three lunatic children knee-sliding into the venue behind me… followed swiftly by the world-weary husband who most certainly thinks that tonight he will not get laid.

‘Well’ the observer would ponder; ‘Why on Earth is she dressed like that?’

Yep. Back in the heady heights of October (when I wasn’t tier bloody 3) I went for a pizza. With my children. At 6pm. And I wore… a body-con ribbed dress displaying my pitiful cleavage, and a cut-out midriff showing off a tummy which I failed to

SelfishMother.com
3
false-tan and subsequently blinded my fellow diners with.

Let me explain to you (and the confused casual observer of course) why on earth I did this. Before I start I should say that it isn’t just me. Oh no. Everywhere I go these days (Aldi, school drop and the Post Office), I spot sane, and usually stylish women dressed totally inappropriately for their surroundings. It is an epidemic far more widespread than Covid. And as we’ve heard from the government repeatedly; to answer the question of ‘Why?’; we need to follow the science.

Extensive

SelfishMother.com
4
research has proven that when you stop a woman seeing her mates, subject her to a spring season of dressing only from the waist up (when you know, you know; Zoom) and reducing her social life to a 30 second chat with a stranger in a shop queue; a chemical reaction takes place in her brain. So excited is the woman for her trip Dunelm, she feels she should dress for the occasion. And let’s face it; it is an occasion! Dunelm has a cafe inside it; so it’s pretty much like going for afternoon tea at The Ritz.

Also; it’s key to remember that the staff

SelfishMother.com
5
at Aldi/the Post Office/Dunelm also aren’t getting to go out anywhere. Surely you owe it to them to put on the old razzle dazzle. Who the fuck decided that sequins weren’t daywear anyway!?

The research also shows that women started this revolution in solidarity with their clothes. That’s right. They feel that their beautiful Reiss dress deserves to be seen, even if it’s only in the chemist. Those gorgeous Kurt Geiger kitten heels are downright depressed sitting there in the wardrobe! The women take them out, caress them, apologise for how

SelfishMother.com
6
bastard boring 2020 has been, cooing; “Come on sugar tits, I’ll take you to nursery pick-up.”

We’re all slowly embracing the concept of not saving anything ‘for best’. Living for the day and grabbing every opportunity (to get out of the house) by the balls. And you know what? It feels great! It’s a small step to reclaiming a bit of the old us. The person we were a year ago, who drank prosecco til 3am, danced until her feet hurt and hugged her lovely mates so tight. Not a bastard elbow-bump or hand sanitiser in sight. 

So this

SelfishMother.com
7
Christmas, don’t be afraid of overdressing. Get those dangly earrings in because… well… it’s Tuesday! Go bloody wild on the sequins for Christmas jumper day… because if you can’t go bling in 2020 when can you? Chuck on your high-heels and red lippy for a kitchen disco with your partner or your kids; because if 2020 has taught us anything it’s to make the most of fun whenever it’s on offer. And that actually clothes aren’t just frivolous indulgence; they can lift our mood more than we ever realised.

 

The end is in sight girls;

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I’ll see you on the dancefloor.

 

For more musings on mayhem and motherhood check out @pearlsofkiddom on Insta and subscribe to www.thegoodthingisthough.co.uk

 

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PearlsofKiddom

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- 4 Dec 20

This time last year if I’d gone to my local Italian for tea with the kids; I might’ve worn jeans. Possibly with a heeled boot but more likely; with scruffy Converse. Because I have always had some level of self-respect and personal vanity; I would’ve undoubtedly dry-shampoo’d my barnet and slung on an animal print T-shirt. 

But take October 2020, before lockdown 2.0, and the casual observer watching me enter the local Italian would be forgiven for thinking I was on a really high-stakes Tinder date. One where my overarching objective was to get laid.

However the observer would then clock the three lunatic children knee-sliding into the venue behind me… followed swiftly by the world-weary husband who most certainly thinks that tonight he will not get laid.

‘Well’ the observer would ponder; ‘Why on Earth is she dressed like that?’

Yep. Back in the heady heights of October (when I wasn’t tier bloody 3) I went for a pizza. With my children. At 6pm. And I wore… a body-con ribbed dress displaying my pitiful cleavage, and a cut-out midriff showing off a tummy which I failed to false-tan and subsequently blinded my fellow diners with.

Let me explain to you (and the confused casual observer of course) why on earth I did this. Before I start I should say that it isn’t just me. Oh no. Everywhere I go these days (Aldi, school drop and the Post Office), I spot sane, and usually stylish women dressed totally inappropriately for their surroundings. It is an epidemic far more widespread than Covid. And as we’ve heard from the government repeatedly; to answer the question of ‘Why?’; we need to follow the science.

Extensive research has proven that when you stop a woman seeing her mates, subject her to a spring season of dressing only from the waist up (when you know, you know; Zoom) and reducing her social life to a 30 second chat with a stranger in a shop queue; a chemical reaction takes place in her brain. So excited is the woman for her trip Dunelm, she feels she should dress for the occasion. And let’s face it; it is an occasion! Dunelm has a cafe inside it; so it’s pretty much like going for afternoon tea at The Ritz.

Also; it’s key to remember that the staff at Aldi/the Post Office/Dunelm also aren’t getting to go out anywhere. Surely you owe it to them to put on the old razzle dazzle. Who the fuck decided that sequins weren’t daywear anyway!?

The research also shows that women started this revolution in solidarity with their clothes. That’s right. They feel that their beautiful Reiss dress deserves to be seen, even if it’s only in the chemist. Those gorgeous Kurt Geiger kitten heels are downright depressed sitting there in the wardrobe! The women take them out, caress them, apologise for how bastard boring 2020 has been, cooing; “Come on sugar tits, I’ll take you to nursery pick-up.”

We’re all slowly embracing the concept of not saving anything ‘for best’. Living for the day and grabbing every opportunity (to get out of the house) by the balls. And you know what? It feels great! It’s a small step to reclaiming a bit of the old us. The person we were a year ago, who drank prosecco til 3am, danced until her feet hurt and hugged her lovely mates so tight. Not a bastard elbow-bump or hand sanitiser in sight. 

So this Christmas, don’t be afraid of overdressing. Get those dangly earrings in because… well… it’s Tuesday! Go bloody wild on the sequins for Christmas jumper day… because if you can’t go bling in 2020 when can you? Chuck on your high-heels and red lippy for a kitchen disco with your partner or your kids; because if 2020 has taught us anything it’s to make the most of fun whenever it’s on offer. And that actually clothes aren’t just frivolous indulgence; they can lift our mood more than we ever realised.

 

The end is in sight girls; I’ll see you on the dancefloor.

 

For more musings on mayhem and motherhood check out @pearlsofkiddom on Insta and subscribe to www.thegoodthingisthough.co.uk

 

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PearlsofKiddom

Frazzled, frantic mother of three little boys. We live on the north east coast and I blog about the ridiculous minutiae of our everyday lives. I know everyone reckons their kids are funny...but seriously...mine are the funniest. If you enjoy my blogs, there are loads more little snippets of craziness (at the expense of my unsuspecting husband and kids) over on www.facebook.com/pearlsofkiddom or you can check out my website which is www.thegoodthingisthough.co.uk Hope to see you there :)!x

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