Fighting Festive Fatigue

Helen Chandler - 19 Dec 18

I wrote a version of this post on my personal blog this time last year, and judging by the response I’m not the only woman who wants to enjoy this most wonderful time of the year but feels far too stressed and overwhelmed to actually do so.

The to-do lists spiral wildly out of control – today mine looks something like this: help 4yo to make cards for her nursery teachers, order chipolata sausages from the butcher, finalise Ocado order, buy wrapping paper for the Father Christmas presents and smuggle it into the house under cover of darkness, make mince pies, marzipan the Christmas cake, clean filter on dishwasher, finish writing Christmas cards, go to post office, arrange for someone to come and fix our gas fire, make/buy something for Nursery Christmas party, attend 9 yo’s carol service, make cranberry sauce before the fresh cranberries I optimistically bought a week ago rot away in the fridge, water the Christmas tree, paint my nails, oh, and do all the normal rounds of laundry, cooking, cleaning, tidying, attempting my own work, etc, none of which actually go away just because it is December and other tasks have quadrupled. I actually dreamt in bullet points last night.

Despite all this I want to press pause so that I’m not so shattered by Christmas that I don’t actually enjoy it at all. Here are my top five tips for fighting festive fatigue and actually enjoying these last few days before Christmas as they’re often the best bit!

1 Go and sing some carols

For me, Christmas without a church service or two is like icing without cake. All the surrounding frippery can be beautifully sweet, but without the cake itself it can feel sickly and cloying. I’m not particularly religious, but the Christmas message of love, peace and joy never fails to uplift and inspire me. And taking time out to sing beautiful carols in a lovely place imbues me with a sense of peace and calm which lasts far longer than the service itself.  On Sunday I took advantage of now having a civilised 9yo child who can sit through, and enjoy, a church service, and we went to the orchestral carol service in our local parish church. I had been feeling overwrought and overwhelmed all day, but I ended it feeling peaceful, loving and festive – and my daughter did too.

2 Do something you like 

A lot of Christmas is for children, and as parents we bend over backwards to ensure that they have the most perfect and memorable time possible. But they won’t enjoy any of that nearly so much with a grumpy, snappy mummy. I hope that making the time to go for a Christmas drink with a friend, lighting a scented candle and snuggling in whilst listening to some carols with my favourite Christmassy books to read, and going to that carol service will help me keep my cool and my patience as the children’s Pre-Christmas Tension rises.

3. Don’t try and do everything

There is so much to do at this time of year. Parties, drinks, Christmas fairs, grottoes, carol singing, lights, meals out, pantomimes, films, shopping , festive family craft sessions and so on and so on. If you try and do everything that comes your way you will be exhausted and frazzled. Take a moment to think about your family, and what you actually enjoy doing, and concentrate on a few activities that will feel really special and meaningful (even if that’s just watching a favourite Christmas film together whilst drinking hot chocolate) rather than squeezing everything in to what will end up feeling like a giant, sparkly, headache inducing blur. You won’t enjoy it, and your children probably won’t enjoy it either.

4. Cut corners and delegate

I am not going to send cards to children at my youngest’s nursery, because she can’t even write yet!  My 9yo asked if she could have a few friends round on Friday evening after they break up, and I decided to ask their parents to come for a drink too. At last count it’s going to be at least 10 children and 5 adults, so I’m not even attempting to cook a meal, I’m going to order pizzas. Double bonus of something the children will actually eat, and me being able to spend time catching up with my friends and enjoying a sneaky glass or two of fizz, rather than sweating away in the kitchen. I’ve also gratefully accepted their offers to bring snacks and drinks along, rather than my normal reflex response of turning down all help and then getting totally stressed out. My husband is in charge of present wrapping and decorations, and although I don’t cut many corners on Christmas Day cooking because I love preparing (and eating!) the whole shebang, I am more than happy for my mother-in-law to contribute her delicious bread-sauce, brandy butter and ham for the festive feast, and am going to be begging her to make the gravy as that is my Nemesis.

5. Remember the bigger picture

Will anyone really look back and say “oh, Christmas 2018 was a big disappointment – mum forgot the maple glaze for the parsnips”? A piece of advice I read of this year and try (though often fail) to heed, is when something goes wrong or causes you anxiety, stop and think whether it will still bother you in five years time. If the answer is no, then stop fretting. I think this advice applies more than ever at Christmas. Children, and indeed everyone, will remember an atmosphere of warmth and love and a sense of magical anticipation. That doesn’t need you to work yourself into the ground, or spend more money than you can really afford – in fact probably the exact opposite.

Helen Chandler

I'm author of novels 'Two For Joy' and 'To Have and to Hold' and mum to two daughters aged twelve and six. As well as writing, and my children, I love reading, cooking, eating and exploring London (and further afield when I get the chance). I was born and brought up in Liverpool, studied English at Oxford University, and now live in East London with my husband, daughters and cat.

View profile for posts, events and more info