Finding Adulthood

Mumforce - 29 Jan 18

My husband thinks am having a mid-life crisis, I think I am in a way.

He said this because today I got my nose pieced. Something I have wanted for years and been thinking more and more about in the last few months.

I feel it is down to trying to find who I am again after having my second child.

I have changed how I dress and buy clothes. I don’t want to look like a frumpy of old lady, I am not saying that’s what the clothes I was wearing were, it’s just when I looked in the mirror I just didn’t see “me” any more.

I also got Botox, in my forehead as years of anxiety had taken its toll and the frown lines were real and more than what you would expect for a lady of my age. I am so pleased with the results; my face looks natural and my forehead more youthful.

And now the nose stud, he’s right though. It does seem like am having a crisis due to all the changes in a short space of time but I am not trying to relive my youth and trying to find my adulthood.
I spent my late teens to mid twenties partying, not thinking of the future. Feeling like I would live forever and having no real idea of what being an adult was really about.

When I fell pregnant I was not ready for what lay ahead, I wasn’t ready to have responsibilities but I soon learned what it was like to have them and at times struggled to adjust. I still do.
We got married and bought our first home and yet I didn’t feel like an adult. I had spent my life floating on the wind, on the backs of others.

My parents, friends and now my husband.

This child though turned me into an adult at warp speed but I just couldn’t find my “adult feet”

“I should act a certain way now?”

“I should dress like this now?”

And after 4 years (yes it’s taken me that long) I now know none of that matters and you have to be you!

Yes, well this is easier said and done, what do you do if you have no idea who you is? How do you find it?

I am no guru but heres what I did, I started being selfish.

I picked clothes that I liked and liked wearing; I fought the thoughts that I needed to look a certain way to fit in and just picked what I wanted. If I want to wear leggings all day because I just want to feel comfy I will. Just like those days when I want to wear makeup, I will.

I started to care about me again, I didn’t want to be an adult and suffering all the dramas and stresses I had in my younger years.

I started mindfulness tracks and I am now starting hypnotherapy tracks to fight my anxiety, I have had enough of that bitch, she needs to go!
Even with all this though the journey has been slow and nowhere close to where I hope to be. I still have days of silence and wonder, I can still have pain attacks and stresses but it’s getting better.

I keep positive that I will find me, am adult who I love deeply and that the people around me can see how happy I have made myself.
So yes I am changing but am just the caterpillar that’s building the cocoon in the hope I find my wings.

Read more at www.mumforce.co.uk

Mumforce

Gail aka Mumforce, is a Scottish lifestyle / parenting blogger and a mum of two, based in Edinburgh. After giving birth to 2 little darlings Gail focussed some attention towards rediscovering/discovering herself. Being a daughter, sister, friend, wife and mother can take a lot out of the best of us. Whilst in amongst/ dealing with all the unpredictability’s in life it’s an easy thing to go into pilot mode/ forget to catch your breath and although bringing up another human being is arguably one of the most difficult challenges a human can be blessed with – “it can often be the case the we want more in respect to purpose, something that is just me”. Gail is open about her mental health and hopes that through writing, honestly about her experiences she can allow others to open up and no longer feel alone. As well as talking/writing about her struggles with mental health, Gail blogs about daily life, women’s rights and issues that some are afraid to address. Throw in a few family outing reviews, product reviews and mum fashion and we have a very mixed bag which truly represents the addictive randomness that is Mumforce. ​To begin with Gail found writing as a form of therapy and a hobby however through her literacy journey Gail’s lifelong pursuit of seeking acceptance has been redefined – “ I finally understood that it was self acceptance that was being sought and have since embraced every ounce of human emotion and solidified its presence through my words”. A unique character who we can all relate to who gives a fantastic reflection of the main battle we have in life, “the person staring back at me in the mirror”.

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