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So five years ago today, my life changed forever.
The ground fell away and I tumbled down a never ending dark hole of despair.
Gone, the usual human experience afforded to almost every other woman.
Gone, the future I’d assumed since I was a child.
The pain, total. The new reality too enormous to comprehend. The ramifications of it, I’ll feel for the rest of my life.
But, watching my wonderful nearly three-year-old daughter in her high chair – I know I’m in a better place. I never thought I’d be so happy, never thought I’d be a
SelfishMother.com
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mum.
Walking out of the consultants office five years ago today, I was lost. Spinning out of control. Sick in the pit of my stomach. Wounded.
Today, I am strong. The very best of humanity made it possible.
Healed the searing pain in my heart enabling it to experience the love I thought was impossible for me to feel.
When he said that the only way I’d ever be a mother would be to use donor eggs, the tears ran freely down my face as I recoiled and pushed away the doctor’s words.
My life as I knew it ended.
But now, the love and bond my
SelfishMother.com
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daughter and I share is pure and as strong as steel.
It was the most difficult thing to experience.
Anguish doesn’t cover it. I got pregnant on our third IVF cycle.
I was on tenterhooks throughout the nine months, never believing I could get the happy ending, achieve the hitherto impossible.
The moment she arrived in the world, she screamed to allay my fears. She was here, and breathing and letting everyone in the room know that the forceps didn’t meet her approval!
She cuddled into my chest, her enormous blue eyes gazing at me, her nose
SelfishMother.com
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– just like mine – filled me with a warm glow.
My heart burst with love and my happiness so total.
Today, I bask in that. I’m so honoured and proud to be her mum.
Since her arrival we’ve had three more donor egg IVF cycles. Sadly, and somewhat painfully they weren’t successful in producing a sibling for our wonderfully loving, funny, caring and beautiful daughter.
We’re on the list for a new donor. Have been for the last seven months.
We’re still waiting to hear that a donor matching my characteristics has been found.
When we do,
SelfishMother.com
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I’ll try again – probably for the last time. Five years of my infertility dominating our lives is a long time.
One last time. It’s worth a try. But whatever happens, I’m so lucky, so grateful and stronger for my journey, wherever it ends.
SelfishMother.com
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Kiki Green - 12 Jun 17
So five years ago today, my life changed forever.
The ground fell away and I tumbled down a never ending dark hole of despair.
Gone, the usual human experience afforded to almost every other woman.
Gone, the future I’d assumed since I was a child.
The pain, total. The new reality too enormous to comprehend. The ramifications of it, I’ll feel for the rest of my life.
But, watching my wonderful nearly three-year-old daughter in her high chair – I know I’m in a better place. I never thought I’d be so happy, never thought I’d be a mum.
Walking out of the consultants office five years ago today, I was lost. Spinning out of control. Sick in the pit of my stomach. Wounded.
Today, I am strong. The very best of humanity made it possible.
Healed the searing pain in my heart enabling it to experience the love I thought was impossible for me to feel.
When he said that the only way I’d ever be a mother would be to use donor eggs, the tears ran freely down my face as I recoiled and pushed away the doctor’s words.
My life as I knew it ended.
But now, the love and bond my daughter and I share is pure and as strong as steel.
It was the most difficult thing to experience.
Anguish doesn’t cover it. I got pregnant on our third IVF cycle.
I was on tenterhooks throughout the nine months, never believing I could get the happy ending, achieve the hitherto impossible.
The moment she arrived in the world, she screamed to allay my fears. She was here, and breathing and letting everyone in the room know that the forceps didn’t meet her approval!
She cuddled into my chest, her enormous blue eyes gazing at me, her nose – just like mine – filled me with a warm glow.
My heart burst with love and my happiness so total.
Today, I bask in that. I’m so honoured and proud to be her mum.
Since her arrival we’ve had three more donor egg IVF cycles. Sadly, and somewhat painfully they weren’t successful in producing a sibling for our wonderfully loving, funny, caring and beautiful daughter.
We’re on the list for a new donor. Have been for the last seven months.
We’re still waiting to hear that a donor matching my characteristics has been found.
When we do, I’ll try again – probably for the last time. Five years of my infertility dominating our lives is a long time.
One last time. It’s worth a try. But whatever happens, I’m so lucky, so grateful and stronger for my journey, wherever it ends.
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36 - mum of one post premature menopause thanks to a lovely donor! Currently a full
time mummy to my daughter - would love a sibling for her, formerly in TV, radio and comms. Future???
Loves chocolate a g&t and to laugh!
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