Gift.

This Guilty Life - 19 Mar 18

A lot has happened over recent weeks for my family and me personally and it has made me appreciate my little family a whole lot more.

One thing we cannot buy is time.  It is a very precious commodity and something we should not waste.  I say this in all seriousness but still find myself wishing the time away.  I know I should not but after another bout of teething with the arrival of bottom molars for one of the twins, I am wishing time away frenetically.  They are almost 2 and yet I am looking forward to them reaching their 3rd birthday all so they can begin receiving 30 hours a week free childcare each, so we may actually have some real disposable income again:  I wish the time away at work so I can get home to see them: you get the idea.

This whole idea that tomorrow will be better/easier is something I feel I must rein in.  There is no time like the present and tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us.

So I am trying to enjoy the now.  Enjoy my difficult cases at work, my troublesome journeys to and from work, my endless laundry, my delightful little energy sappers (yes my gorgeous children) but it is not easy.  I fear we all look to tomorrow as the answer to everything, when we have more free time, more free cash, less midriff wobble etc but is it realistic to do that? I am not sure anymore, after all there is always something to do or to be done, always a bill to be paid and always a cake to eat.

When I was a teenager I used to think everything would be so easy when I reached 18; then when I reached 18 I thought everything would be so much easier when I got my own place; I got my own place then thought everything would be so much better when I got married; I got married then thought everything would be so much better when I had children and yet did I ever truly appreciate things as they were at the time? I am not sure I ever really did as I was always chasing tomorrow.

Embracing things as they are now is truly difficult to do.  Just try it and you’ll soon find yourself thinking of this evening, or tomorrow or next week etc.

I am not suggesting that embracing your cluttered desk or untidy house is the key to happiness by any stretch, but I do think it is important as life passes us by so fast.  It feels like yesterday I brought my children home from the hospital and yet they are almost 5 and 2 respectively and I have no idea where the time has gone.  I struggle to remember the early days after giving birth in terms of how my children looked, how heavy they were and the sound of the newborn cry – I should stress that I don’t struggle to recall the fact that after the birth of my first my “lady bits” were very, very angry with me and it hurt to pee, nor after the birth of my twins my legs resembled those of the Michelin man due to a combination of fluid and gravity.

Incidentally as I am savouring the now, my operation beach bod has gone for a burton this week, I have enjoyed savouring Mini-eggs and have not touched the dumbbells as yet, but there is time-isn’t there?

x

This Guilty Life

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