Grow a human. Lose a friend, or 5

PaisleyMother - 22 Jan 18

Night times brings reflection time.

After an afternoon on bridesmaid duties and helping with some general planning, my friend across the table from me, worried about her guest list. Making a list, crossing people off, adding people. It got us talking about our friends post childbirth!

We’ve been friends for 10 year, my friend and I. But we’ve both got another circle of friends other that ours. Our circle is tight knit, talk most days, whatsapp group, see each other often.

Our other circles, we’ve got people who after us having a baby have bothered less with us. Her dilemma is does she invite them. My response was HELL NO! Some of these girls she hasn’t even had a text off for over a year, Facebook post on her birthday, never seen her kids (they’re 3 and 18 month) she’s only seen them on nights out when she’s been invited by the ones she’s closer to in that circle.

But she’s feeling bad because she’s known them for so long and feels awful for inviting others and not them. I’m a bit brutal when it comes to that. If you’ve not bothered with my kid, I won’t be rude and when I do see them kinda friends I’m polite and it’s nice to catch up, but no way on this earth would I invite you to spend my wedding with me. I wouldn’t pay money to cater for them when they don’t even text me or who’ve swept me under the carpet because my priorities have changed and I have a child to be responsible for rather than going to the pub.

You really do find out who your real friends are once you’ve had a baby.

I’ve friends who I don’t see for months at a time, but there’s not a week that goes by that I don’t speak to them. A hello, how are you. Something about a series we’re both watching. A screengrab of something you both find funny. Just talking shit. Effort is needed from both parties. Friendships do need love and nurture as any kind of relationship does. But having a baby shouldn’t be the cause of the downfall of a friendship. It’s sad. I’m sad for the friends I’ve lost after having a baby. By no means have I fell out with anyone nor they me it’s just one of those things and when you turn down the 6th invite for a night out they just kinda stop asking then you think ‘I must text so and so’ then the baby shits or you need bread from the shop so you’ll do it in a bit, but that but turns into another week, then a month then the next thing you realise it’s been a year since either of you bothered.

So thinking about all that. I’ve come to the conclusion that now, my friends who I’ve got now. Are my REAL friends and im happy with that. They’ve been through me through thick and thin. Laughed at me, cried with me, answered my 3 am phone calls, told me when I’ve looked like a bag of shit when I’ve been ill and told me I look gorgeous when I’ve put a bit of effort in. Had my back, told me when I’ve been in the wrong. Seen me at my best and my worst and still their love and support for me never ends.

So when it’s my turn to wed. I’ll be surrounded by people who love me and who I love very much. No part time Tracey’s

x

PaisleyMother

Mother to one Lover to one Friend of many

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