Help! I have OLW (Old Lady Wardrobe) Syndrome

Penny Bull - 26 Oct 18

Why is it that, as soon as a woman becomes a mum, she has to live in fear of becoming someone who has ‘let herself go’?

Is this fair? Nope. What happens when you have had a baby, and consequently have to spend all day looking after it? You are deathly tired, you have different priorities, much less time and money to spend on yourself. You might have gained weight – if not, your body has certainly changed. Body parts change shape, size and location seemingly overnight. You need to reserve your energy to be spent elsewhere. You go to far fewer places that require dressing up.

So then isn’t it just complete and utter bollocks that we’re still expected to be putting all this effort into ‘looking our best’ whilst being good and attentive mothers at the same time? Yes, yes it is.

But, on the other hand, do we end up feeling like crap if we do let things slide in the appearance department? Uh-huh. For me, a new outfit, bouncy hair and some bright lipstick will always make me feel roughly 80% happier and more confident than when I’m my usual, frumped-out mess. And playing around with clothes and make-up is a fun form of self-expression for a lot of us too.

So it seems that many of us use clothes, make-up and a blow dry as armour to face the world in. Is this right? Of course not, we should be able to look however we choose without being made to feel we’re wrong somehow. But I have been conditioned to think in a certain way. If I’m having a particularly yeti-like day, I pray I won’t bump into anyone I know. Also I want to feel attractive to my husband, who too has been conditioned to think women should look a certain way. One half of me rages at the injustice that society irrationally expects me to be pretty, the other just wants to be, well…pretty. I am yet to make sense of this internal paradox and I’m not sure I ever fully will.

So what should we do? Well we could stop comparing ourselves to others for a start. And while we’re at it, why don’t we agree to stop judging each other too? We’re all in it together as mums, from the sleepless nights to the supermarket tantrums, the chaos of the school run to the cleaning of toilets. We do the same thankless, boring shit and are all trying to project the same competent, breezy image.

Some of us like to look like put together perfection, others prefer a more laid-back approach. Some don’t even waste any thought on what they look like. And everyone of those things is fine if that person feels happy and comfortable. So please let’s not come down on each other for making too much effort, or not enough.

We need to have each other’s backs, instead of gossiping behind them.

Me personally? I’d like to be one of those put together mummies, but I might just have to accept that that’s never going to be me everyday. I just can’t bring myself to care that much. But that’s ok, I’m happy to have messy, scruffy days, if they’re punctuated by a few more glamorous ones. And it saves on make-up too.

Ladies, have you let yourself go?

If five or more of the below statements apply to you, I’m afraid you may have succumbed to OLW (Old Lady Wardrobe) Syndrome:

• routinely buying black shoes/bag/coat because it ‘goes with everything’
• wearing jeans everyday so that you can spend zero time thinking about your outfit in the morning
• making sure your midriff is covered at all times. Also, using the word ‘midriff’
• buying shoes because they’re comfortable rather than pretty or stylish
• going make-up free purely so that you don’t have to take it off again that evening
• having to factor back fat and under arm flab into any dressing decisions
• wearing heels so rarely that you have lost the ability to walk in them
• wearing layers at all times – you know, in case it gets chilly
• thinking of something that you bought five years ago as your ‘new dress’
• feeling like your outfit is not complete without a cardigan
• assessing all potential tops and jackets for how well they will cover your bum and thighs when you’re having a fat day
• being genuinely pleased when someone gives you nice socks for Christmas
• your slippers are your favourite choice of footwear
• saying “she makes me feel cold just looking at her” about every teenage girl you see
• consider getting a fringe/new hair colour once a month, then always deciding against it because it looks like ‘too much work’
• putting aside an entire evening just to apply a fake tan – then not doing it anyway
• your wardrobe has more ‘one day’ outfits (as in, one day I’ll fit into that again) than wearable ones

Just hand me a pair of those comfy slacks from the back pages of the Radio Times and I’m done.

Penny Bull

Mum to 2 boys and a husky. Spends days writing and worrying about health, the world in general and skills as a parent. Started blogging to regain sanity(hasn't happened yet).

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