How Instagram Saved My Life

Anniki Sommerville - 20 Jan 19

‘Instagram is a lot of perfect lives. Lives that make us feel bad and so we come up short right?’ said a Radio Four presenter on the Today programme last week.

‘It’s superficial and dangerous,’ a guest added.

I get tired of hearing these cliches. Oftentimes dreamt up by people who a) aren’t on social media b) favour old school media i.e. radio/TV/newspapers c) hold onto the notion that face to face contact is the only connection that matters. And yes I get some of the fears around Instagram. I know it can be addictive, that some accounts make people feel bad about their lives, that young brains struggle to come to terms with the way that feeds are curated and don’t  reflect real life BUT…I’ve experienced another side of Instagram.

As a Mum of a newborn, the nights have become less bleak. Instagram is a positive distraction. At two in the morning getting a message from another Mum who’s going through the same thing is magic. It makes me feel less alone. I’m often more candid and open with these women- there’s a sense that we’re in it together and we chivvy one another along.

‘I’m so tired. I only got two hours sleep last night,’ one will say.

‘I’m not sure how much longer I can go on like this,’ says another.

Is this superficial?

‘These aren’t real friends. You don’t even know these people!’ I hear the radio presenter whispering into my ear.

The sad thing is we all see friends less. Our lives propelled forwards at break-neck speed. Surely it’s better to have SOME connection than NONE?

The other thing that’s helped me on dark, winter nights is creating stories on Instagram. They’re usually silly. Animations and videos gleaned from old films. It’s fun and the kind of thing you need in those heavy weeks with a newborn (when you’re overwhelmed and prone to anxiety). With my first daughter I fretted about everything. I spent a lot of time crying and pretending to be okay. I’m not saying that this time round I’ve got away with zero anxiety but social media has provided me with connections and an escape. It’s also helped me maintain some sense of my own identity.

If you choose to follow people who live air-brushed, fantasy lives then you’re going to feel pants. The same kind of pants as you’d feel if you went window shopping in Selfridges with an empty wallet. Or attended a modelling academy but were three feet tall. The point is you CHOOSE WHO TO FOLLOW.

‘God I hate so and so,’ a friend says, ‘She’s so superficial and false and did you see her advertising that expensive holiday?’

‘Well don’t follow her,’ I say.

The thing is we’re grown women.  I would argue that if you use it properly Instagram can do a hell of a lot of good. I’ve found work via Instagram. I’ve got messages that lifted my spirits. Messages from people checking in on me. From people who’ve told me ‘you’ve got this’ (I’ve also got some dodgy messages from men trying to chat me up but that’s a whole different kettle of fish). I DON’T FOLLOW WOMEN WHO TAKE PHOTOS OF THEIR THIGH GAPS. I DON’T FOLLOW WOMEN WHO MAKE QUINOA AND KALE FLAPJACKS (it’s just not my cup of tea).  I try and see the positive in people rather than believe that everyone is selfish and mean and awful.

‘These Instagram Mums just make women feel bad,’ I hear someone say, ‘They aren’t real. They make everything seem so idealised.’

‘Who are you talking about?’ I ask.

I ask the question because YES there are Mums who project a vision of perfection but these women aren’t the ones I follow. At two in the morning as I listen to the fox barking outside and the murmuring of my newborn daughter wanting another feed, it’s a comfort knowing there are women out there listening. It’s a comfort to feel some kind of connection rather than nothing at all (and then find a silly giphy of Jim Carrey vomiting to illustrate a point I’m trying to make).

Yes there are days when I’m aware that I’m scrolling in a mindless, depressing, soul-sapping way BUT there are also days when I’m reminded how good people can me, how goodness is there if you know where to look for it.

When a simple message from a Mum I’ve never met telling me THIS WILL SOON PASS makes me feel less desperate and alone.

Anniki Sommerville

I'm Super Editor here at SelfishMother.com and love reading all your fantastic posts and mulling over all the complexities of modern parenting. We have a fantastic and supportive community of writers here and I've learnt just how transformative and therapeutic writing can me. If you've had a bad day then write about it. If you've had a good day- do the same! You'll feel better just airing your thoughts and realising that no one has a master plan. I'm Mum to a daughter who's 3 and my passions are writing, reading and doing yoga (I love saying that but to be honest I'm no yogi).

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