I LOVED Giving Birth

Becca Maberly - 7 Feb 19

I hated being pregnant.  But I loved giving birth!  I don’t know how many women feel the same, but I’d love to know.  It is so important to spread the message that giving birth does not have to be scary or gruesome, it can feel absolutely awesome!

It was without a doubt the MOST excruciatingly painful thing that has ever happened to me, and there were moments where the pain felt so bad that I felt like my body was being hung, drawn and quartered whilst I was cheered on from the sidelines by my husband and my midwife.

I remember that last push as I gave birth to my son, and the pain just stopped.  Just like that!  And I sat there with my son in my arms thinking “I AM AN ABSOLUTE HERO”!  I don’t really have the vocabulary to explain how exhilarating and empowering it was.  I have never bungee jumped or run a marathon or climbed a mountain but I think perhaps you might get a similar kind of buzz from doing any of those things.

In the hours after giving birth,  I looked around in marvel at all the people in the hospital- from the porters to the doctors, thinking- “Wow did their mothers really do what I just did?”  Wow! I wanted to go up to every mother I saw and congratulate her on being a complete hero herself.

My husband was in awe.  I was so proud of myself, I thought the whole world should be in awe of me!  I wanted to tell anyone who would listen about every little detail.

How funny that you should feel so amazingly special and awe-inspiring when you have done something so commonplace that literally millions of women have done before you, and will continue to do after you.  It is confusing to feel simultaneously unique and ordinary!

I was lucky.  The stars were aligned (metaphorically- perhaps even physically too, who knows?) and Mother Nature was kind.  All the many variable conditions were right, from the position my son had taken in my pelvis, to the way my contractions helped him to take the most favourable route through my birth canal, from the way my pelvic floor relaxed to the way my soft tissues stretched.  Everything was “text book”, right down to the support from my husband and my midwife.  I didn’t poo, I didn’t bleed, I didn’t need stitches.  Despite the breath-taking pain, everything felt completely instinctive and I was never afraid or out of control.  I honestly feel like I could give birth over and over again- I felt like such a pro!

BUT please don’t think me smug!  What came after was not so marvellous.  I was not so enamoured with my new baby, nor him with me, it felt, from the way he screeched and screamed for weeks and months on end.  Motherhood did not come naturally to me. I felt awkward and clueless. I didn’t know how to talk to my baby- he couldn’t talk back- what was the point? I felt silly.  Breastfeeding did not go well. We did not bond.  Friends talked about the instant love and connection with their babies and I would feel ashamed that I had not felt that.

How had I managed to ace the bit that everyone seems terrified of yet I couldn’t get to grips with being a mother? No-one had told me this could be the tricky bit.  The actual birth, which had seemed so scary and awful felt like a total breeze compared to actual motherhood.

It is all so unpredictable, from how you feel during your pregnancy, to the way that your birth goes, the temperament of your new baby, how you feel as you recover from birth and adapt to your new role and the way that your partner or those around you support you.  There are so many elements you cannot control, but you can make sure you are prepared and that you have realistic expectations of what is ahead!

We can help!

Becca Maberly

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Becca Maberly

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