I want to be a bigger boobed girl (well maybe just a little bigger and maybe not forever)

Chocolate and Wine is the Solution - 24 Oct 18

I’ve never been happy with my allocation of boobage. In fact I’d go so far to say that it’s pretty much made me feel quite insecure my whole adult life. Whilst the majority of my friends were quite happy with their lot, I felt quite bitter and twisted that somehow I had been left with almost a pair of mammaries.

Over the years I’ve indulged in wonder bras, creams and chicken fillets aplenty and yes I’ve faked it but it’s not quite the same. Physically I’m a short girl, 5″4 on a good day and I’m slim which is great but I’m totally still more boy like figure wise. So at the age of 40 I find myself increasingly day dreaming of massive bazookas. When I say massive I mean c cup Max. When pregnant I’ve totally loved the fuller bust I’ve been temporarily given. I’ve never felt so feminine. But the aftermath of three big babies has totally ruined what pathetic little boobs I had…

The internet has fuelled this further. I find myself following cosmetic surgery accounts on instagram, seeing the results other people have had and allowing myself to consider could I actually achieve my life long dream of not having to wear a padded bra? I want something natural, I’m not wanting the porn star look, is that possible? A decent cleavage would be nice. A pair that look nice in a polo neck but fabulous in a bikini. All the information I’ve gathered so far suggests not. All I can find are big boobed girls who look like they’ve had a boob job! I still want to look like me but a bit bustier. Or should I just accept I am what I am….is natural just not possible?

My next worry is what happens in the future. I mean what do I do when I really start to age? Looking at the information online, some breast augmentation only lasts 10 years… what if I live to 100? Will I have to replace them several times over? What will I look like when gravity totally leaves my body yet my boobs still look like two firm melons? Or do I just have them in for 10 years whilst I still have some oestrogen in my body and enjoy having big knockers?

Then there’s the stigma about plastic surgery. It’s there for sure. I don’t know anyone who has had a boob job, and I know a lot of people. I know a lot of people who are judgy about it….. do I care? Honestly yes I do. Why don’t people talk about it? The only information I have is from the companies providing the service and obviously they want my dollars so they’ll tell me it’s the greatest thing ever. I now have several cosmetic surgeons following me on Instagram, clearly desperate to take my money. Then there’s my Husband. He has no idea how insecure I feel about my body. He reassures me that he is not attracted to larger boobs (yeah right I don’t believe him either). Since having my children and getting older what little boobs this girl has have virtually diminished. It’s not pleasant. My Daughter took a picture of me in a bikini on holiday this year and this is when it really hit me. I looked awful, shapeless, flat chested and I felt so low in terms of my self esteem.

And then there’s my own Daughter. What message does it send to her if I go ahead and take the plunge? She more than likely will inherit my flat chestedness. Instead of constantly pursuing the perfect bust, should I be bigging up the perks of small boobs? Or should I accept she will make her own mind up, she may not feel how I do? If I have a boob job will she think she should do too? Will it make her feel inadequate? I really don’t want that. Or will she it as empowering, seeing her own Mum making herself feel better and improving her self confidence by making some changes?

Finally there’s the actual op and the cost. I have researched I would be out of action in terms of lifting and driving for two weeks. I’m a mother to three and a hands on Mum. It is bound to be painful and will leave me pretty much useless in terms of domestic duties. Is it selfish to put myself out of action for my own wants and needs? And the cost, all the things I could do for my family with all that money..

As much as my obsession with getting a pair of fantastic boobs has lead me to think I’d be so much more full of confidence, I’m starting to think it may not be all that. I mean what if I hate them and I want my body back the way it was?

Does this all boil down to being torn between my own selfish wants and needs and the good old mother guilt? For now I’ve just ordered some new miracle bust firming cream from Boots whilst I think it over some more but I’m not unfollowing the plastic surgeons on Instagram just yet………

Chocolate and Wine is the Solution

I'm a multitasking anxious Momma to 3 and I have got my writing mojo back!

View profile for posts, events and more info